Walking down the hall the other day, I saw a sign. It advertised a babysitter for reasonable rates with good references. At anormal hour, I would simply have kept walking without a second thought. At three A.M, however, I stopped for a moment to ponder the sign. I needed to find a way to turn this to my advantage.

So what does a babysitter do? They go over to the house and watch the kid. They watch movies, play games, or do their homework while the kid amuses himself. After that they might stick a frozen pizza in the oven or order some chinese food. If the kid is tired, that's okay, the babysitter will just talk on the phone or watch TV or something. And then it struck me: This all sounded like stuff I would love to do with a girlfriend.

It was quickly visable that i would have a hard time hiring a babysitter for myself. I thought of getting one of my parents to do it, but neither one of them would be likely to help. It seemed an impass, so I did whatI always do whenI can't figure something out: I called my best friend Seth.

Seth was enthusiastic about the plan. He told me that HE could hire the babysitter for me. It would be a simple matter:

"Hi, um, I'm the babysitter."

"Oh thank goodness,I needed someone to watch him whileI go out for a little while."


"Yes, Yes, I've had a frightful time getting out, because Derry has a tendency to well . . . take things apart."

"Take things apart?"

"Yes. Lord bless him. Give the child a screwdriver and in an hour the whole living room will be in shambles."
"I see."

"Have you ever tried reassembling a Playstation with screws that may or may not have been from the bookshelf?"

"I uh, cant say that I have."

"Nor should you ever want to, but no fear. As long as you're here he should be okay. Just watch some TV with him, play a couple board games. I'm sure you'll like him."

"Oh I'm sure."

"Anyways, there he is, oh look at the poor tot, still asleep."

"Um . . ."


"How old is Derry?"

"Oh he just turned 21."

"I usually watch um . . . younger children."

"Oh certainly this cannot be all that different."


"Good good, be back in six hours!"

And it really could be that easy. I could get a girl to hang out with, someone who would spend time with me, play games, watch movies, for about 5-15 dollars an hour.There are lots of babysitters out there- who knows?- maybe I will meet one who actually likes me too.

Written by Derry Salewski, University of Maine Farmington dew_man@hotmail.com