Ethan: Thank God it's Wednesday again, because I couldn't wait another day to talk about this week's biggest sports story: did you SEE the new jerseys the "Tampa Bay Rays" will be wearing next year? Ugh, I liked it better when they were in league with the devil and had green in their colors.
Ethan: Tough call. I'd probably rather take BP in Piscataway. Another NFL week is behind us, and are you as confused as I am about the Saints? Sure, they weren't going to be as good as last year, but the Titans made Drew Brees look like the love child of J.P. Losman and Rex Grossman.
Amir: Yeah, I just don't understand. Was Joe Horn that important? Sure the defense isn't that good, but their defense never was. What happened to the Drew Brees that would throw for 513 yards and five scores? I hope they don't need another devastating disaster to wake them up.
Ethan: That offense is catastrophic, does that count?
Ethan: Now they're without their only real running back, Deuce, who got injured on that checkdown pass that Brees should never have thrown. Not only is Brees turning the ball over, he's hanging his players out to dry on plays like that one. I can't believe that Brees is this bad. He was standing on the sidelines on Monday night with a somber look on his face like someone had just told him his birthmark was cancerous. On the plus side, can you believe the Packers are this good?
Amir: I'm not sure they are, maybe the Chargers are just bad. We'll know more after the next two weeks. (@Min, Chi) It may take a few more seasons for Favre to turn this boat around, but he's got nowhere to be. His children, who he wanted to be with when he was going to initially retire are now 35, married, and retired from the NFL.
Ethan: No, Green Bay's legit. Kampman and the defense are probably top 5-6 in the NFL. They're probably not as good as the 600 guys on the Bears' injury report, but at least they've all got unsprained knees. Speaking of the Bears, so it's come to this: Brian Griese as a starter. I feel like I need a drink. Griese feels like he needs several drinks. Rex is a lost cause at this point, right?
Amir: Grossman is like a rookie quarterback who is constantly playing his first game. I cannot understand how he lasted this long. Why didn't they sign somebody better than Rex in the offseason like Jeff Garcia, or Daunte Culpepper, or a highly trained horse? If Griese plays well I can't imagine Rex will ever play anywhere again. If he can't win a game with Chicago's defense, who WILL trust him?
Ethan: Someone will take him because he can throw the deep ball. Plus, even Head Ball Coach is on the record saying he's sexy. Talk about CLICK-CLACK! Someone will always trust a crummy QB. Joey Harrington's started for three different NFL teams, and somewhere deep within the bowels of the Metrodome, someone's planning to make it four. Of course, Rex never had his name on a ten story billboard in Times Square. Not yet, at least. So do the Chargers just suck?
Ethan: Norv Turner is the Joey Harrington of coaches. With less piano ability. On the topic of bizarre coaching choices, how about the rant by Oklahoma State's Mike Gundy? He's like an employed Denny Green.
Amir: The irony was, his rant embarrassed their QB more than that article ever could. One, it turned it into a national story, and two, it alludes to the fact that his quarterback ran home to his momma crying!
Ethan: The player's 21 years old? I think he can probably take a little criticism, especially when he's a public figure playing a high-profile sport. You don't want publicity, join a D3 swim team. That rant was priceless, though. He sounded like a creepy old guy hanging out at a college bar trying to pick up coeds. "Come after me, ladies! I'm a man! I'm 40!" By the way, are you now with me on the Kentucky-in-the-BCS bandwagon?
Amir: Hardly. After next week, they have three in a row against South Carolina (Yeah, this head ball coach), LSU and Florida. They could easily be a mediocre 5-3 team in a month. They should be happy if they survive those games with the Meineke Car Care Bowl in their sights. Are you excited about Michigan in the Rosebowl, though?
Ethan: No, but it was nice to see them play well against Penn State. Watching that game was great; there was a combined 4,000 years of head coaching experience on the sidelines. Neither of whom has bought new clothes since 1978. Seriously, you have to get on the Andre Woodson Heisman bandwagon now. It's going to fill up, and then you'll end up in a less desirable spot, like playing in Louisville's secondary. What do you think of the breaking rumor that Shawn Marion wants out of Phoenix?
Amir: Once again, The Matrix doesn't make sense.
Ethan: I thought I explained it to you. The Matrix is like an alternate reality.
Amir: I think I understand but Phoenix is as close to a contender as you're going to get and he fits perfectly in the offense. That being said, if his dismay leads him to coming and playing with Kobe in LA, I'm all for it!
Ethan: He also said he'd think about Utah, which could be interesting. AK-47 wants out there, and he seems like he'd be a great fit for Phoenix. When he's motivated he's all over the place, plays killer D, and is so white he makes Steve Nash look like Marvin Gaye. I'm pushing for that one. Plus, it would give the Suns players for Canada, Australia, the Virgin Islands, France, Ireland, Brazil, and Russia. If they couldn't beat the Spurs on the court, they could at least hang with them in Model U.N. competitions. Who's winning the NL wildcard? Phils or Padres?
Amir: Padres are a game ahead right now but the Phillies end the season with three games at home against the Nats. I think that will be the difference. Pretty ridiculous that it's taken 140 games to make up for that dismal start. You think they would have rather just won a few games in April. That seems easier, doesn't it?!
Ethan: With the Phillies' bullpen, nothing is easy. If MLB really wants to speed up games, they should just have the opposing team roll dice to see how many runs they'll get, then skip any half-inning where the Phils' pen is going to pitch. I'm just glad Dane Cook likes the playoffs. That lets me know that liking the playoffs is really cool. Got an interesting fact for this week? And it had better not be, "The Eagles will be wearing purple and green uniforms this Sunday. They'll score 194 points in them."
Amir: Kevin Curtis is due for 400 and five scores.
Ethan: Got an interesting fact of the week for us?
Ethan: I prefer the understated humility of Amare Stoudamire's "Black Jesus" neck tattoo any day. Until next week, go see "The Gameplan," then write angry letters to the producers complaining about the lack of realism in the football action.
Amir and Ethan's random jersey blog is up and running. If you see any great jerseys on campus, let them know. Also, you can now check out Straight Cash Homey on ESPN's Page 2!