By Vince Eckert
Some people say that morality died a long time ago. It’s true, but now that I’m a ghost, I do what I can.
Billy: Mmmm, this is the best brownie I’ve ever stolen.
Jill: Hey- give that back!
Ghost: Stealing is reprehensible, Billy. You should return Jill’s brownie immediately.
Billy: But I ate most of it. You want me to puke it up?
Ghost: Wait, you don’t have to…
Jill: Oh no.
Billy:Ugh, here it is.
Jill: This is awful.
Billy: I don’t even know who that was.
At home
Ghost: Extramarital affairs spring from a weakness in character. Rather than doing this, look within yourself for solace.
George: Ah, jeez, are you here for the heater?
Jennifer: Yeah, I can pay. Wait, were you there the whole time?
George: Where’d he go?
Ghost: I don’t know if I can do this anymore.
Ghost 2: We all had a rough day. Finish strong.
Ghost: Who are you?
Ghost 2: I’m the wraith of ethics.
Paul: Hey guys, don’t mind me, I’m just going to keep on embezzling here.
Billy: Got your nose!
Ghost: Now Billy, you can’t take Jill’s nose, how will she smell?
Billy: Bad, probably.
Jill: He didn’t take my nose for real. You’re stupid.
Ghost: Look, I’m just trying to help.
Jill: What are you even supposed to be? Some kind of ghost?
Billy: Are you my conscience?
Ghost: Whatever, children. I’m going home.
Jill: What was that all about?