September 19, 2007
Dear Diary,

Today was a very interesting day for me. I had lunch with noted black person Rev. Al Sharpton, or as I call him, "The Rev". The Rev is one special black person in that he speaks English in complete sentences, without any stuttering or slurring. It's really remarkable how far he's come.

We had lunch at Sylvia's restaurant, and I must admit, I was a little nervous. However, I got a good first impression when upon entering the building, I did not immediately contract HIV. Furthermore, the young lady who seated us was holding neither a gun nor a crack baby.

When we sat down I ordered fried chicken, watermelon, and an orange soda. When in Rome, as they say. But get this—the girl taking our order—brought us menus! I couldn't believe it. And what's more, they were printed on paper, not hand-drawn with crayons and markers! When did the blacks figure out computers? My goodness, they've come a long way. Good for them!

As we ate a fine meal, I could see a little twinkle in The Rev's eye that told me while he was happy with the progress Afro-Americans had made, part of him misses the old days when you could walk into a place like Sylvia's, howl like a monkey, shoot the guy next to you, rape his mother—and no one would give it a second thought. "It's okay, Rev," I told him. "Change is for the better." He looked at me like I was an idiot (a bit ironic, but at least they've finally grasped the concept of irony) and I just chuckled and patted his head.

Well, Diary, it's time for ol' Bill to hit the hay. Tomorrow's another big day—I'm going for a drive with Chow Yun-Fat.