Dad says: Where going to miss you, son
Dad thinks: I am going to miss your porn collection. It's not fair, I helped build that beautiful monstrosity. You never did figure out who was sending you those emails with the hot new porn titles or why on those same days I coincidently gave you $20 for gas. In your defense, you always were pretty fucking stupid. I also can no longer blame those nasty porn sites on you. Plus, how am I going to get good weed. I am to old to ask random people,"who is holding."
Mom says: Where going to miss you son
Mom thinks: I am going to miss your friends "eye fucking me" all the time and calling me a milf behind my back. I will also miss using your school events as an excuse to dress slutty. Now how will I build my self esteem.
Dad says: It will be weird not having you around.
Dad thinks: It will be great not having you around. Now I can bang your mom any where in the house and she can't use "you being around" as an excuse any more. Plus I can walk around naked again. I miss having a cool bowl of cereal resting on my nut sack while I watch the morning news.
Mom says: It will be weird not having you around
Mom thinks: Oh shit, I can no longer use you as excuse to not have sex with your father. I will have to go back to using the headache excuse but that only works so much. Plus I will have to witness your father's naked body 24/7 which is like watch train wreck's all day. My self esteem is going to plummet
Dad says: Your an adult now and we know you will make wise decisions
Dad thinks: Your free now, bang as many drunk whores as you can. But use a condom, don't make the same mistake I did. If it wasn't for that mistake you wouldn't exist. Live your dreams now because you won't be able to live them through your children. Because with our gene pool they will probaly be worthless pathetic pieces of shit just like you where.
Mom's says: Your an adult now and we know you will make wise decisions
Mom thinks: You will probaly fuck up. A wise decision would have been an abortion. But at least I have a four year window where there is a slim possibilty you could get a drunk bitch pregnant. Because that is my only real shot at grandchildren. If I'm lucky they will take after her and then I can actually be proud of them. I will probaly poke holes in your condoms when you come home.
Dad says: come home sometime.
Dad thinks: Only come home if you have some good weed. I'm talking about becoming friends with the jamacian kids because let's face it you won't be hanging with the jocks. Also you better update that porn collection. Your in college and you have access to some sick shit. You better have foreign shit, donkey shows, amputees help out your old man I am tired of banging your mom in your bed.
Mom says: Come home sometime
Mom thinks: No, I don't want to do your fucking laundry or bake for your fat ass. Have you been in eating the whole time you have been gone to bad they don't have a "CelebrityFit Club" show just for losers. But I will put up with it if I can have just one weekend without your father walking around naked with milk and cereal all over his pubes. Plus invite your loser friends over so they can stare at me for uncomfortably long periods of time. My self esteem is pretty low and those little pervs can recharge the old batteries.