October 12, 1492 – Somewhere in the Americas

Christopher Columbus steps off his ship onto land. His shipmates are wide-eyed and eager to explore the riches of the land they have just stumbled upon.

Columbus: You see? I told you we'd make it here. And to think you ever doubted me.

Trevor: Captain Columbus, you are a kind leader and an even more gifted explorer. I'm sorry we ever even contemplated mutiny.

Columbus: Yes, it is pretty amazing that I discovered this place all on my own.

A native clothed in tribal garb appears and walks toward Columbus and his men.

Native: Yeah, hi. I'm sorry I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. And uh…I'm just not really sure how it is that you discovered this place if we were already here.

Columbus: Look Trevor a native of the West Indian nation. Move slowly or he'll attack you with his tribal sorcery.

Native: Um…actually we don't really do that anymore.

Columbus: What? This must be a trick. He's trying to cast a spell on me Trevor. Stop him!

Native: Dude, relax. I just wanted to let you know that you and your shipmates are welcome to stay as long as you want. We've got plenty of food and we will keep to ourselves. Just try to be respectful of the natural resources that you choose to use.

Columbus: Oh wow, that's great. But listen… I was actually thinking maybe you guys wouldn't mind taking a long weekend or something while me and the boys just get settled.

Native: How long?

Columbus: Ten years?

Native: Are you kidding?

Columbus: You're right. That won't be nearly enough time. Let's make it an even two decades. Of course we'll give you a little something for your troubles.

Columbus flicks the native a Spanish coin.

Native: You expect us to use this? This is worth nothing to me. We don't use hard currency.

Columbus: Listen, no need to get all high and mighty. Have you even bothered to check the exchange rate?

Native: OK, you know what? We are a peaceful nation. We have our made own laws, run our own schools, built our own infrastructures and maintained systems of ancient ritual. We are lovers of tradition yet we are not afraid to look forward and share the earth. We know it is not ours for the keeping and thus we are more than happy to coinhabit with your men. But I will not stand here and watch as we are forcibly removed by another arrogant white man

Columbus: Wow.You truly are a very advanced nation.

Native: Thank you.

Columbus: You guys don't happen to have guns yet do you?

Native: No. What's a gu…

Columbus shoots the native in the chest. The native falls to the ground and spews blood all over the sand.

Columbus: Oh boy, that's gonna be a major setback.

Trevor: Just wait until all the disease we brought starts to settle in.

Columbus: Oh man, Trevor you're bad. You're bad.

The two laugh and high-five and step over the Native's body.


YAY! Happy Columbus Day! Go America!