Society dictates we go to college to learn

But dissenting stoners go to college to burn.

The realistic ones do their reading and think

About all the alcoholics that came to drink.

The guys may think all the girls came to screw

But unfortunately for them that true number is few.

Most people say these are the best of our days

Although some of us will become stuck in our ways.

The drinking, the smoking and the fucking won’t stop.

We’ve developed these habits that have become hard to drop.

Our parents don’t know about what happens at school

And when we go home we play them for a fool.

We don’t tell them shit and we party real hard.

I apologize, friends, for being a tattle-tale bard,

But it’s their right to know what goes on round here,

The drugs and the sex and the bonging of beer.

So here’s to you, the booze-guzzling college population

For bringing to the world the future leaders of our nation.

So from now on hide nothing and let your parents know

About the shit that goes on that the movies won’t show.

That although we may party, and at times to the extreme

Our motives are good and no harm do we mean,

For one day we will live in a land of prosperity

While you will be living off social security.