Guys, I’m not lazy like Taylor…I promise. But this week’s episode just sucked. SUCKED. A truly terrible episode. Because of that, you’re getting a much shorter column than normal. I’m sorry, I still love you all, though.

Let’s get started…

-The growing concern in Bonanza is that there is a serious, serious trash problem. Apparently, it’s starting to smell and getting in the way, and it must be removed. And no, they’re not talking about Greg and his family.

-Anjay thinks that they should just “add gun powder” to the trash and blow it up. I don’t think this is that bad of idea, really. I mean, at least give the kids some fireworks or something.

-They decide to pick the oldest and strongest kids to move the trash to a location that is farther away. And, oh yeah, they also chose Taylor. This is going to be sweet.

-Taylor explains how she doesn’t want to take out the trash and Laurel tells her to “deal with it!” SNAP!

-Taylor claims that she’s a pageant queen and if she touches trash, she might get dirty. Well Tay-Tay, it’s either now or freshman year in college when you discover Skyy and Red Bull. She ends up leaving the group and not helping.

-Since Taylor didn’t help with the trash, The Council decides that she has to fill up the entire town water tank. She starts to cry like a bitch. She then defiantly dumps over buckets of water. After everyone yells at her, she threatens to go home. Please Christ, My Lord and Savior, let this be true.

-ML-DK Jr. claims that all the bickering in town will not help them build a better Bonanza.

-Mike is in the Kid Nation version of the Shawshank halfway house, he has to assimilate back into society by peeling potatoes.

-This week’s challenge involves wading through a pool of baked beans to find cans that are the same color as the kids’ teams. Here’s the catch though…there are real pigs running through the pool of beans! Get it? Franks and beans! Hahahahahaha!

-The kids rush into the pool to start grabbing cans—-OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! THIS IS AMAZING! ONE OF THE PIGS JUST GRABBED A CAN AND STARTED RUNNING IT OVER TO THE—-no, wait, wait…my bad…that was Emilie.

-Seriously, it looks like the kids are swimming in diarrhea.

-Anjay claims that it’s taking him a long time to locate a can because he’s small and his bones are still forming. You know what would solve that problem, Anjay? Eating red meat.

-Alex would have done a great job in this contest if it was about opening cans, not just finding them. Stephen Colbert is running for President on the platform of Truthiness, Alex is running on Toothiness. I am fucking reaching this week, people.

Can Count:

Blue – 17
Red – 24
Yellow – 19
Green – 20

-The kids collected over 75 cans, so they had their choice between a bunch of fruits and vegetables for a reward or 2 gas-powered dune buggies. They choose the veggies, which was the right choice because does anyone really think 40 kids can share two toys?

-DK is growing tired of Bonanza City. He says that he doesn’t need it in his life anymore, and he doesn’t have time for it. What else does he have to do? He’s 14! His life probably consists of riding the bus to school and getting home just in time to watch TRL!

-So we get to the town meeting and everyone starts piling on Taylor before DK tells them to shut up…or something like that. Little does he know, he has been selected the gold star winner for this week. Only there’s one problem…DK raises his hand to go home!

So folks, we finally may have to answer to a question: what happens if you win the gold start but elect to leave before you receive it. Let’s watch…

-Lots of tears are shed, and, in the end, the kids convince DK to stay.

-Well, that brings us to the end of this week’s episode, which, once again, was terrible. Luckily, next week looks to have a healthy dose of The J-Man!

-In other KN news, Cody and his GF are probably having a baby by now. So congratulations to him.

To make up for lack of substance, here are some questions that have been bugging me and I think they need to be discussed.

1. What happens with the money once the kids buy stuff with it? Do the producers just take it? Because I'm pretty sure the merchants don't keep it. And if that's the case, what's stopping the kids from giving everything away?

2. Do the kids on The Council get paid more? I say this because I don't think they'll ever win a gold star. And if that's the case, did Zach and Guylan just get a pay raise?

3. Where do the kids shower?

4. Are the kids on the teams that win challenges first not allowed to go back and help the other teams finish? Out of the 40 of them, someone must have thought of this…they'd win all the rewards.

5. I think if the finish the challenge in half of the allotted time or less they should win both prizes…like a double Showcase Showdown.

There is just so much stuff that's edited out…I wonder what the producers said to these kids.

Have a good week!

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