Episode #2.5

Since last week’s Dexter column was overshadowed by some minor music video involving frathouses and Queen, you probably didn't read it. But if you did, A) I love you and B) you know that Laguerta deserves a nice kick to her woman parts. I hope Dexter spent all week scrubbing the hull of his boat.

Are the writers really trying to convince us that there are armadillos in that state? I’ve only been to Florida a few times but I’m fairly sure they don’t exist there. Unless by “armadillos,” they mean “Hispanic drug dealers.” Because then, yeah, there’s a whole bunch of them living there.

The police have further narrowed their search of the Bay Harbor Butcher; they know he (which by the way is mighty presumptuous) launched his boat out of one of the three harbors that matched the certain type of algae.

At the comic store crime scene, I found it pretty awesome that the screen name of one of them was “PornDude.” It wasn’t PornDude2 or PornDude13974 which meant he must have snatched that name up right away on AOL in about 1995.

We learn that Laguerta and Doakes used to bump genitals. Now try and imagine the angriest, orneriest sex ever and that's what you get when you mix those two. If you’re still surprised that Laguerta has turned out to be such a slutty whore lately, then you’re a fool because she’s been hitting on Dexter for over a season now. And if you’re hitting on that apish serial killer in desperate need of a haircut, who won't you hit on?

I liked how even Doakes suspected that Laguerta fucked Pascal’s fiance. Then again, Doakes is a generally paranoid person. Next episode I expect him to start accusing Lundy of raiding his delicious cucumber garden in the middle of the night.

Speaking of Lundy, I am not backing off my prediction that he makes a move on Deb. He either totally wants on or is trying to be some sort of mentor and failing.

As per Lila’s advice, Dexter takes her along for a road trip and goes upstate to find the guy who killed his mom. You know, just that guy who murdered his mother and left Dex and his crazy ass older brother sitting in her blood. No biggie.

When they arrive to their destination, Rita calls to check up on Dexter while he is hanging out in the hotel room alone with Lila. Before Dexter goes to “talk” to his dad, Lila decides she wants to hop in the shower quick. Now this is where you’re reminded that this show is on premium cable instead of network television: unnecessary nudity! Where CBS would have just shown a blouse being thrown to the ground or a blurry female figure behind a sliding shower door, Showtime throws her nipples in our face. Oh, Showtime, you little devil.

Anyway, Dex talks to Rita and calms her raging insecurities before deciding to go find this killer alone, leaving Nipples McSeeThroughShirt to finish showering and coloring on hotel art.

Why does Gabriel still put up with Deb? Her snooping persists and while she’s going through his [shockingly generic] e-mail client, she jumps to conclusions and accuses him of being a big douchebag instead of correctly assessing him as an author of children books. (Which she might have known if she would’ve, oh I don't know, had a conversation with him?)

Dex finds the mother killer working in a bar and decides he is undoubtedly the one who committed the act. Yet, he still didn’t kill him. Why? Not only did he end up letting him go, but he was much more careless with him (ie. didn’t drape the place in plastic, spit in his face). Not that the guy will likely run to the police and tell them someone is bothering him just because he happened to cut up their mom with a chainsaw. But come on Dex, the man is now wearing your DNA.

I don’t care what Lila looks like naked; I would really appreciate it if she would stop fucking with Dexter’s head. Let the man kill bad people.

Good news, everyone! Rita’s mom quit her job and decided to move in with her daughter. Oh you’re right, that’s fucking terrible news. You know, for a show about killing, there sure are a lot of respectable characters that I wouldn’t mind seeing dead. Although she has warmed up to Dex, this means we have to put up with her more. Damn it.

The episode ends with Dexter checking his boat over with a black light, not realizing he is being recorded by the newly set up surveillance cameras.

Real slick, Dex.

Developing sub-plots: Angel maybe trying to get on that dead dude's widow, the Laguerta/Pascal/fiance triangle, the relationship between Harry and Dexter's mom, Rita's mom being in the way & generally annoying, and Lila realizing she's not Marla Singer.

Until next week,