When I pee it hurts. I’m not talking about the prickly “it feels nice” stuff. I mean the “shit there is liquid fire coming out of me”. Did I mention the green goo? Because there is this green goo . well, yeah, you get the idea.
Remember that person you woke up with after that killer party. You remember, they had a huge case of backne and you’re pretty sure that mole blinked at you. Well, turns out you’re worst fear did happen, you had sex with it. Not to worry, a trip to the doctor and some antibiotics will clear that right up. Unfortunately there is no medication for the shame. Congratulations on the STD!
My eye is like really kinda red, but no worse than on 4/20/07 (dude, I was soooo wasted). Oh, and it itches worse than my balls 3 days after I shaved Larry and Moe for that hot chick. There is also this sticky yellow stuff, like the stuff I found on my jeans after that one stripper, but without the smell.
First, stop touching nasty things and then poking yourself in the eye. Second, drop some visine in that sucker and see a doctor. Enjoy the pink eye bro!