Few things in this life are certain, but one thing that is involves Grey’s characters naked and staring at the ceiling, covered in sweat and wondering what to say. After breaking up a marriage and waiting for months to have sex again, Izzie and George have no physical chemistry whatsoever. But you know who does have chemistry? (It’s this week’s theme!) The Chief and Derek do. This is mostly due to the fact that the Chief is lonely and Derek has apparently cut off his a testicles, because the two have taken watching to movies together and (probably) cuddling.

The problem with Izzie and George can be summed up pretty clearly: Izzie tries too hard in bed and George kisses "like a chicken." So they keep on trying. And trying again and again. Meanwhile, Callie can't get her life together in any meaningful capacity and starts delegating out her responsibilities to Bailey. Since Hahn is blackballing Christina from cardio, Bailey tells Yang to find a new specialty.

Yang looks around, but ends up hanging out with Sloan for a while, who is doing a pretty poor job of convincing everyone at the hospital that his job isn't all Dr. 90210. One of his patients is a redhead who's having a facelift to get her sex life back in order, which is freaky in a very bad way. Horny gingers scare the shit out of me, and for good reason. People like that shouldn't be allowed to fornicate because it only leads to more gingers. And I think I speak for everyone when I say this world does not need any more of those.

Alex's patient this week is a crotchety old man who hasn't had a bowel movement since he can remember, and when he's moved to the same room as the facelift woman they get it on. Gross.

Even before all of this happens, a mother comes in screaming that she fell down the stairs with her baby, who now can't wake up. The baby's also kind of Asiany, which is weird because the parents are black. It reminds me of that one version of Cinderella with Brandy where Victor Garber and Whoopi Goldberg are the king and queen and their son is Filipino. Also, that is my favorite movie. Also, I'm starting to figure out why I don't have a boyfriend.

We later find out through the mom's upset husband that the baby has been adopted. Ahh, that explains it. However, the dad doesn't feel attached to the baby and doesn't want her if his wife dies (which she does). But, through the magic of Meredith Grey, our Father of the Year is convinced to keep the girl and name her Keisha, because that's the name his wife wanted.

Toinght’s episode of Grey’s was special for me because the cable in my room was turned off, mostly due to the fact that I'm too lazy to pay the bill. As a result, I had to watch in a dorm common room with a bunch of black freshmen girls. When that dad named that Asian baby Keisha, they were all, “Oh, no. That baby is not a Keisha. That baby is gonna be scarred for life.” And I was like “Yeah, sista,” and “Totally, girlfriend." See how I hold my own in conversations involving African American linguistic patterns? I am really diversified.

In other news: Lexy Grey is a fucking stalker. I have never seen anyone pursue someone the way she chases after Alex and Meredith. She needs to chill out before either of them press charges. Callie gets fired when the Chief finds out that she's making Bailey do most of her job. Bailey gets promoted to the position of Chief Resident. When the Chief walks in on Derek and Meredith naked in bed together they decide that maybe they're too involved in each other's lives (um, really?!). A little boy starts making himself sick so his parents will break up. And finally, Izzie and George's sex life never improves. I'm so sick of these two already. Oh, and one more thing! Thatcher Grey is apparently wasted all the time. Don't tell Meredith.

Final thoughts:
I never realized it before, but Hahn looks like Ann Coulter. Like exactly like her, down to the adam’s apple and everything.
WGA strike doesn't affect Grey's until January, which means sweaty, awkward sex until the New Year.
Best line: "I'm not married." -George. Wait, YES YOU ARE.
Next week: Seattle Grace is exactly like high school. Let me guess, Meredith is the girl giving handies on the back of the bus.