-"Women are like NASCAR: You can be interested in them for a while, but then eventually you think…what the hell's the point?"

-"Women are like the opera: Often expensive and my learning disability prevents me from receiving pleasure from them."

-Women are like camels: They can go weeks without water…It's just that that the camel will still be alive."

- "Women are like deodorant sticks: Regardless of how much I rub them against me, I still smell terrible."

- "Women are like textbooks: I only buy them about a week before finals so I can cram it all in."

- "Women are like Campbell's Chunky Soups: The directions say to heat on the stove for 5-8 minutes, but usually you can get away with just throwing them in microwave for like a minute…until the cops come."