Ethan: I'm almost finished with the Mitchell Report, and I've got to say I found it a thrilling read. I have no idea who the killer is, but I'm suspecting Professor Plum. Oh, wait, that was the novelization of the movie of the board game Clue. What surprised you least about the Mitchell Report?
Amir: I had no idea Jason Giambi and Roger Clemens used steroids. I just thought at age 30 people get bigger and bigger until they explode at age 45.
Ethan: You had to have known that Giambi's sweat is nothing but a tasty mixture of bull hormones and Winstrol. If you put it in a shot glass, it's called a Moneyballer.
Amir: Two please.
Ethan: People acting surprised over Clemens is the hilarious. By age 50 he'll be able to punch through a three-foot sheet of concrete while getting highlights put in his hair. Only a 'roided-up madman would name all of his kids something starting with a "K."
Amir: That or someone who wants to get a terrible gift every Fathers' Day.
Ethan: "Here, Dad, it's a tie. Oh, that's right; you only sort of have a neck."