1. The "I'm Not Touching You".

How it works:
There is only one thing between the terrorist's face and the interrogator's finger. Freedom.
Why it was rejected: Justice Department unable to get adequate insurance in the event of accidental touching.

2. Bang Terrorist's Girlfriend.

How it works:
Confirms the terrorist's fear that she was a ho fo' sho.

n

Why it was rejected: CIA not charming enough to ensure continuing success.

n

3. Have Terrorists Make a 2 Girls 1 Cup Reaction Video for Youtube.

n

How it works: Makes the terrorist feel really embarrassed when one of his friends shares the video on Facebook.
Why it was rejected: Government felt that the poor cup-to-girl ratio would make America appear weak.

n

4. Ask Terrorists If They Have Gained Weight.

n

How it works: Terrorists become too self-conscious to go into a crowded marketplace to blow themselves up.
Why it was rejected: Too many terrorists know they look good.

n

5. Have the Banker Offer Only Bad Deals.

n

How it works: Causes terrorists to think they selected it 2 cent case and thus take whatever they can get.
Why it was rejected: Terrorists generally refuse to play the game on the grounds that they consider Howie Mandel's fear of shaking people's hands to be rude.

n

6. Formally Charged Them for a Crime and Have Them Appear in a Court of Their Peers.

n

How it works: Due process… allegedly.
Why it was rejected: Habeas Corpus is for pussies.

n

7. Force Terrorists to watch five minutes of Carlos Mencia standup.

n

How it works: Curbs radical Islam by making terrorists lose faith in God.
Why it was rejected: 9/11 not horrific enough to justify it.