Surgeon General's Warning: reading this sentence may cause anal leakage.

Insult or Sad Voicemail? You Make the Call
"Your mom called. She wants her medicine back!"
My younger half-brother and White-Out have a lot in common: they're both helpful, reliable and were created accidentally by a secretary.
Shows Still Airing New Episodes During the Writers' Strike
- As of this week, The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are airing more interview-focused episodes.
- Law & Order, which was kept off the Fall schedule, still has several unaired episodes.
- According to Jim, which has been run for six seasons without writers, will continue to air uninterrupted.
-I dare you to eat this Cheez-It off the floor.
-GAH-ROSS! Okay, your turn.
-What's something you've never told anyone?
-Two years before you were born, your mom was diagnosed with leukemia, and then even though I had been thinking about divorcing her, I was forced to stay with her through the disease, until she finally died when you were six months old, and I replaced her with Nancy that same week and made you call her "Mom" and acted like your dead mom never existed, until today.
-Okay, my turn. Dare!
Call me sexist, but there is no way women's American Gladiators is a real sport.
I like watching local news in Spanish, because at least you learn something.
It's crazy all the things that you used to be able to get away with as a kid but are frowned on when you're an adult, like making out with 6th graders
L.L. Bean Customer Service Motto
"The customer is always white"