Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
A Tale of Two Sodas
January 17, 2008
Dr. Pepper walks out of a coffeeshop, counting his change, and accidentally bumps into Mr. Pibb.
Oh, pardon me I wasn't looking where I was going- Pibb?
Doc! Oh man, hey Doc, what's up?
Mr. Pibb, I, uh good to see you, how have you been?
You know, chilling, doing my thing. About to head down to Mickey Dee's, grab me a Big Mac. I'm maad hungry cause I dropped the biggest deuce this morning!
Ahh, yes, that's . delightful. Well, I must be get going, I'm meeting-
Oh, sh*t, who you meeting? Coke? Pepsi?
Um, no one, just, uh, a friend from out of town-
You're meeting Fanta? Is she in the States?
No, she's not. Nevermind, I'm just late.
Oh, true, true. Hey didn't see you at RC's party last weekend, it was off the hook! Slice was there, Tab, and all the Dew Brothers!
Mountain Dew was there?
Oh, no. Just Code Red and Game Fuel. But it was crazy, Tab hooked up with both of them! I always thought she opened from the other end of the can, but I guess not.
Yes, well, sorry I missed out on the "fun". It's just that Sprite and I were trying out this new sushi place uptown. I meant to stop by afterwards, but I just lost track of time, and
Yeah, yeah, sure. I bet you just went to one of those fancy parties that Barq's throws all the time, right? I'm right, aren't I? Haha, just poppin' yer top, man.
Hey man, we should totally hang out some time! Just like college, Pepper and Pibb, tearin' it up! Remember our beer pong team name?
Oh yes, P-
Pibber! Yeah man, that was so much fun. College was crazy.
Yes, it was fun. Ten years ago.
Yeah, yeah, totally.
Sam's Club Dr. Radical:
'scuse me gentlemen, could you spare any change?
Ooh, sorry, don't have any, man.
I only carry plastic.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.