"As a life long resident of McDonald Land, I know the problems we face.Our crippled economy forces citizens to turn to the 99 cent menu. Our failing educational system produces graduates barely able to read the word jumbles on the back of their diplomas, and our police department remains ineffective in stopping both The Hamburgler and The Chicken McRapist.
As your new mayor, I promise to once again make this city a place where people are proud to find a spouse, to build a home, and toraise two all-beef patties, with special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions, and where people can afford the sesame seed bunsthey deserve!
I vow to super size our police force, keep our children safe from monsters like Grimace, and bring salad shakers to our high school cafeterias.
This is the beginning of a new era, and with your help, along with that of state officials, and the Fry Guys, we'll end the obesity epidemic, grease the wheels of democracy, and shake off bureaucratic complacency. Today we embark upon a menu for change. Together let's restore this city's arches, and make them golden once more."