Brandon walks into his favorite restaurant Picante del Sol.
Maitre d': Yes sir, how can I help you?
Brandon: What's up? I'm Brandon, a twenty one year old surfer who spends my time riding the waves and straight up chillin'. I love classic cars and I'm looking for a girl who can keep up with all my fast turns.
Maitre d': Yes, that's terrific sir. How many will I be seating?
Brandon: Just me. I'm meeting someone Holmes.
The Maitre d' shows Brandon to his table where Lydia is already seated.
Lydia: Hi, I'm Lydia. It's so great to finally meet y
Brandon: Lydia, if I wanted a girl who could speak I would have asked Helen Keller out on a date.
Lydia: Huh? That's doesn't even really make sense.
Lydia: Shoud I should I go?
Brandon: No, no. Sorry about that. Sometimes I just get caught up in the I have these flashbacks.
Lydia: Alright. No problem.
Brandon: Listen, let's just start over.
Lydia: This is a nice little restaurant. Oh wow. Is that a Botticelli on the wall? We studied him in this Italian Renaissance seminar that I took last
Brandon: Speaking of art, I love paintball. So why don't you put on this gray suit and these goggles. We're going to see how many paintballs I can hit you with in five minutes!
Lydia: Brandon, you're making me feel really uncomfortable. I really thought you were going to be a nice guy who
Brandon: PUT ON THE SUIT!
Lydia: Ok, ok. Just relax.
Lydia puts on the paintball suit and gets pelted with a colossal amount of blue, red, and green paintballs.
Brandon: Three hundred and fifty four. That's a new record.
Lydia: My dress is ruined!
Brandon: Yeah this has been fun, but uh you seem pretty high maintenance and I'm definitely not down with that. NEXT!
Lydia: Please stop yelling that. Please!
Lydia starts to tear up.
Lydia: It really hurts my feelings.
Brandon: I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me. Just sit down and let's order some food.
Lydia: Alright. Excuse me waiter, can I get a glass of water when you
Brandon: Oh man, I love the water. You know I was actually a champion surfer. Why don't you get this scuba gear on and try to find the rings at the bottom of the pool that I set up in the middle of the restaurant.
Lydia: That's a fish tank. And what rings are
Brandon: These rings.
Brandon throws three napkin rings into the fish tank and starts to laugh.
Lydia emerges bloodied and hysterically crying.
Lydia: Sharks! There's sharks in there!
Brandon: Just baby sharks, come on!
Lydia: Why?! Why are you doing this?!
Brandon: What happened to your arm? Your whole hand and forearm! They're gone.
Lydia: Oh my God! Aaahh. My right arm!
Brandon: Yeah so we've been on the date for 24 minutes now. And I think I feel something going on with us. So you can take the twenty four dollars and split or we can go on a second date.
Lydia: Oh my God! It hurts so much.
Brandon: So that's a no? Lydia you can take your one armed self and paddle to shore. I'm gettin outta here. NEXT.
Maitre d': OK, sir. You really need to leave.
Brandon: Man, I don't know you. You can't tell me what to
The maitre d' punches Brandon square in the jaw.
Maitre d': Next.
A guy approches him from the waiting area.
Guy: Yes, hi. Gerald party of four.