10:17- Ahhhh, morning. Stretch…What's tha-oh, morning wood. Nice. How's it going buddy?…Man, I haven't jerked it in awhile. Does it even work if you start sawing on the log o' the morning? Sawing on the log…I like it, good work brain. Hmm, roommate's gone, only one way to find out.

10:19- Let's see, lock the door, whip out the lilac and chamomile advanced healing lotion, boot up that hidden file and let's go. Blowjob Bandits 2, whatcha got for me today?

10:20- SHIT. Key in lock. Roommate back early. Shut the laptop, flying leap into bed. OW! Dammit that hurt. Mental note: Land on back next time. Ok, pretend to be asleep. Nice even breathes. That's it. Good fake sleep job, you rock.

10:22- Fake sleep getting old…boner still kickin'. Hmm, maybe we'll try the shower. Ok aaaaaand discrete wake-up next time roommate makes noise. Opening the backpack, perfect. Let's start with the little rustle…move along to the big stretchhhhh. Dammit morning wood, go away so I can get outta bed.

10:23- Baseball. Grandma. 6 times 7. That's 42 right? That one was always a bitch. Yeah, definitely 42. 6 grade me would be disappointed right now. Xylophone. Rocking chair.

10:24- Screw it, we'll hide it in the towel.

10:28- Shower. I love showers. Hmm, spank bank…spank bank…whatcha got for me?

10:29- Who was that hot chick from psych class freshman year with the big tatters? Jess something? Yeah..Jess something. Ohh, Jess something…Wait..didn't she end up with the herp? Ugh! You suck imagination.

10:30- Oh, so now you decide to leave. Morning wood, you finicky son of a bitch.

10:31- Boobs. Boobs boobs boobs. Butt. Boobs butt vajayjay. Butt.

10:32- Man, how did I used to do this before the internet?

10:33- Fighting a losing battle here.

10:34-You know what, this just isn't happening. Let's chalk this one up in the loss column and play some Call of Duty.

Note: This story is purely fictional, and is definately not based on real events in any way. At all.