10) Your beard has grown an inch since your last menstrual period.
9) You want Michael Jackson to start returning your calls again because you miss "fun tickle time in the cave of giggles and magic."
8) You get a Fortune Cookie that reads, "Shave now, prosper later." Then the waiter winks at you.
7) Mach 3 is no longer fast enough.
6) You can use your stubble to sand your wood.
5) You're Osama Bin Laden and you have to fly into DC for your sister's wedding.
3) You want to look sharp for your match against Triple H at Wrestlemania.
2) 8-year-old sister Sally-Morgan: You're beard looks like sh*t.
Mom: Sally-Morgan!! You mean, it looks like poopy
1) You have a vagina, but I can't find it.