Disturbing news this week: at least 1 in 4 teenage girls has an STD, the most prevalent of which being the human papillomanvirus, or HPV. In an effort to educate my fellow red state brethren who received abstinence-only sex ed in high school, I shall demonstrate how difficult it is to spot a venereal disease by inviting you to surmise which of these four women carry an STD:
Figure A: This woman would appear to be your run of the mill club hopping party girl, which at first glance makes her a likely candidate to be a Petri dish/incubater for a veritable smorgasbord of claps, crabs, drips, and trichs. Look closer though, notice anything about the bartender behind her? That's right, a bow tie.
Figure B: A lady. Madame , having first taken ill this haverst moon past, has, under duress, consented to the inspection of her parts unmentionable (those being her ankles) in order to hasten the prognosis of a treatment best suitable. While extensive anatomical investingation has yielded her to be a woman of chaste virtue, it is likely that an influx of malicious vapours has coupled with a deficiency of the humours, thus rendering her wont to experience fits of hysteria (as is common with those of the lesser sex) as well as a general melancholic disposition. It is recommended she be cured through the science of a most rigorous electroid shocking.
Figure C: Trick figure! This is actually a man with a penis, making him invalid for this study.