Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Freshman Arrives at College Nine Months Late
March 14, 2008
March 10, 9AM.
Oh man, what is up? Darren right?
How did you open the door?
I'm Gary your roommate? We talked on the phone?
Right yeah exactly. So glad you're not some weirdo, haha, on the phone you sounded like a creep, but you actually seem pretty chill.
(Gary drops his backpack onto an empty bed in the corner, it's just a mattress on a frame.)
Sick, so you brought the TV.
I'm sorry. I'm a little confused.
No worries. Wo, tight. Red Hot Chili Peppers. Can I burn this?
(Sitting down on the mattress, he takes a beer can out of his pocket and opens it)
Got a lot of catchin' up to
! Haha. Are all the hot girls taken? Who's the blond across the hall?
That's Stephanie. You shouldn't be drinking in here though.
God, I hate our R.A. She's such a bitch.
He's such a loser. It's like, who lives in the dorms when they don't have to?!
(Getting up, putting his hands on his hips and inspecting the room)
I'm gonna rush. I walked by the Alpha Zeta, umm what's the Greek letter that looks like a T? Anyway, it looked like they have a pretty chill scene over there, and the brotherhood is unparalleled.
Probably too late to rush.
Who pays for friends anyway? I'm an independent party animal! What's the deal with classes. Soooo much reading! Right?
Yeah well, last semester is over, and now it's the second semester and midterms are next week.
Jeez, looks like I gotta sweet talk my profs! Haha.
Well you needed to sign up for classes first, technically you don't have any professors yet.
Sure, sure. Maybe I should do that now? Is it like an online thing? What's the PW for wireless?
(Putting up a poster that says:
You like this poster? Me and my cousin started a poster store last year, lemme know I can hook you up.
!!!! So weird.
I'm gonna go brush my teeth.
(Darren leaves the room, takes one step and realizes he forgot his toothbrush. He turns around and notices a tie on the doorknob. He opens the door and Gary is already having sex with Stephanie.)
! Ever heard of knocking?!
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.