Streeter thought it would be a good idea for me to make a St. Patrick's Day screen name and talk to CollegeHumor fans all day. Suprisingly, most people were at work and completely sober, and just wanted to check how many IMs I was getting (a lot) and whether being a intern is fun (it is, aside from the beatings I get when I miss deadlines). Nonetheless, these are the fruits of my labor.
1973 IM windows later…



"I just killed a goose with a chestnut. I just lobbed it into a crowd of them and one didnt fly away. I need body disposal tips."


"Casey. this is you from the future. do not delete this. Streeter will hand you a drink at 4:30. DO NOT DRINK IT. if you do though, its a boy."


"Him: hey my name is justin s. and i want this to get posted on the website.
Me: you have to say something interesting then.
Him: nevermind i have to leave"


I'm Not Sure It's The Irishness That's Causing It
"IM SO IRISH I SHITE GREEN"


"In your personal opinion, do you think it's acceptable for a boyfriend to talk about his girlfriend's mother's vagina to her?"


"CH FTW!!! ST. P DAY FTW!!!! GREEN STUFF FTW!!!!"


Nerd
"dammit I don't drink before physics lab…but that would make it a little more interesting"


"so im on spring break right now, and at home with my parents. Yeah i know it sucks, but i woke up at 9 this mornnning to start drinking like any normal persaon, and wjhen my parents woke up they flipped the fuck out. Callin me an alcoholic and sh*t, i aint a alcoholic their the weird ones. who doenst get drunk on st paddys daay"


He Didn't Know St. Patrick's Day Was Irish
"f*ck austrailians. those english ass motherf*ckers can suck my american justice-c*ck."


"Him: what's the best way to score alcohol if u're under 21?
Me: age very quickly"


"you know how they'll have steak and cheese mcmuffins seasonally? I had them use that on a mcgriddle… Manliest breakfast sandwich ever."


Has Cyber Sex Regularly
"your like a one night stand almost. just less akward."


"Him: i put on my robe and wizard hat
Me: this doesn't work that way"


What Are You Talking About?
"if there had been no amir b in the days of the conquistadors, there'd have been no smallpox. fortunately, there was amir b. he was inducted as a saint (catholic, voodoo and jedi) in 1997 but he had to be dismissed when he violated ncaa regulations by receiving money for his talent; he became the 49th pokemon, the most powerful and sexually active of all time. his card was so powerful it had to be released as its own deck. this card was the actual cause of 153 teenage japanese deaths."


"Him: happy birthday college humors
Him: i mean st patricks day
Me: good save"


chstpatricksgay: called you gay


"f*ck saying hi, i tried to send you a beer, but then i remember that isnt what the CD drive is for…. if it cant take a joke then f*ck it."


"apparently blood drives will politely turn you away if they can smell Guinness on your breath."


I Think You Already Know The Answer To That Question
"hey
what is your screen name"


"My best friend's mom caught us drinking beer and we are underage. instead of calling my parents she proceeded to spank me and him the exact amount of empty beer cans that were on the table. 16 slaps on the ass from a milf suddenly became my fetish."


Lastly, The Pope IMed Me
"u guys know that st. pats day was moved to last saturday right?"