Meat Loaf once said that "two out of three ain't bad." But if Hollywood can have the audacity to give us three "Shrek"s, four "Lethal Weapon"s, and "Police Academy: Mission to Moscow," they can certainly complete the following uncompleted trilogies.
There are over 15 thousand cities in the United States. Why has Kurt Russel's one-eyed convict "Snake" Plissken only escaped from two of them? Why not "Escape from Pittsburgh?" "Escape from Bismark, North Dakota?" Or "Escape from Newark" (which is already the primary goal of anyone who lives in New Jersey anyway)? Certainly Kurt Russel would be game to dawn the black eye patch once again: "Escape from L.A." is about the closest he's been to Hollywood in the last 12 years.
The "Ghostbusters" two-logy, both of its films considered relative classics, has much going for it: creepy special effects, a pre-Wes Anderson Bill Murray, that rare enjoyable Ray Parker Jr. single, and the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to watch a Rick Moranis/Sigourney Weaver sex scene. Like any successful film franchise that doesn't care about going out with a bit of dignity, a third "Ghostbusters" installment has been rumored at various Comic-Cons and Ernie Hudson fan expos since 1984.And why not? Who wouldn't love to see New York City once again saved from supernatural invasion by a team of the funniest paranormal investigators alive (and also Dan Ackroyd)?
Surely there are more than two stories to tell about Dolores Van Cartier and her wacky adventures with the Sisters of St. Joseph of the Third Order of Saint Francis. Hey! What if a guy had to hide out with the nuns for a while? So in addition to not being Catholic, he's not even a woman? This is a movie that LITERALLY writes itself! At the very least, there should have been a "Sister Act: The Animated Series." Amen!
"Short Circuit" is an '80s comedy starring Steve Gutenberg (and really, are there any other kind?) and a friendly robot named Johnny 5. Steve Gutenberg, who made it through four "Police Academies," didn't show up for "Short Circuit 2," so they replaced him with Michael McKean and a jewel heist. Based on the VERY detailed plot recap for "Short Circuit 2" this is a series that still has fans, and you're telling me they gave up on "Short Circuit" movies before they could get Johnny 5 on a pro sports team? That's just lazy.
For some, the recent "Alien vs. Predator" series seems like your greatest non-"Melrose Place"-related adolescent fantasy come true, as if 20th-Century Fox chose your two favorite action figures from your dresser and gave someone $30 million to make them fight. But fans of the original "Predator" series have already seen their favorite intergalactic hunter battle foes far deadlier than an 8-foot, flesh-eating beast. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oddly, the Predator chooses to follow up this epic battle in "Predator 2" by starting a monumental hunt for... Danny Glover, which is like giving up lion hunting for ice fishing.
Like the time-warping "Terminator" series, which has yet to show audiences the prophetic robot uprising that will spawn a nuclear war, the "Bill and Ted" series owes its legions of fans a feature-length vision of the Utopian future that will result from a Halen-influenced rock band headlined by two California burnouts and managed by George Carlin. While the concept of 70-year-old Carlin still in show business a hundred years from now actually seems plausible, the rest of this dubious prophesy demands elaboration. But something tells us Alex "Bill" Winters will be much easier to talk into a third "Bill and Ted" than Keanu Reeves.
"Gremlins" follows the standard formula used by many other series on this list: Take your gremlins/robots/extraterrestrial from your first film and sent them to New York. Hence, "Gremlins 2: The New Batch," in which Gizmo heads to the Big Apple. And wouldn't you know it? He hatches a new brood of the slimy imps who terrorized rural America and molested Phoebe Cates in the first film. Doesn't the enormous likelihood of a mogwai like Gizmo breeding homicidal puppets far outweigh it's cuteness? Don't get it wet or feed it after midnight? Well, thank God food and water aren't necessary to sustain life.
Yes the first "Weekend at Bernie's" really isn't that good and yes "Weekend at Bernie's II" was even worse-but that's no reason not to make a third one! It didn't stop the producers of "The Fast and the Furious" from giving us "Tokyo Drift." Producers are actually planning a remake, this time set at a ski resort instead of a beach. They figured if they can't revive the series with voodoo, the least they could do is prop it up with wires so everyone thinks it's still alive.
The first "Speed" was great. You don't even have to call it "Speed 1"; it's just "Speed." For comparison, you usually have to call it's sequel, "Speed 2: Remember, they were on a cruise ship? The Green Goblin and the guy from 'Sleepers were in it?' "Speed 2: Cruise Control" was released in 1997, which makes it about 72 years old in action-movie years. Back then if you wanted to show a cruise ship destroying an island you had to actually drive a cruise ship into an island.
Mike Meyers and Dana Carvey not only beat the "Saturday Night Live" sketch-to-movie curse once, they did it twice. These two films spawned more catchphrases than "Austin Powers," reminded everyone how awesome Queen is, and taught us what boners sound like. It would be interesting to see how Wayne and Garth are doing now that they are pushing 40. Are they still hosting the show? How babealicious does Wayne find new babes, like Jessica Alba? Is Tia Carrere still alive?
Co-Written by Jeff Rubin.