Mr. Johnson wears a Hawaiian shirt and an easy smile. He skips jauntily into the room, writes an unfinished equation on the chalkboard, and smiles at the second graders that sit before him, eager to learn. 7plus7=
"Good morning class. My name is Mr. Johnson. Mr. Jankowitz couldn't make it so I'll be your substitute for the day. Can anyone tell me the answer to this problem?"
A flurry of small hands shoot up.
Mr. Johnson calls on Billy, a young boy in the front row with a missing front tooth and maybe a missing imagination.
"It's 14," he excitedly proclaims.
"Are you sure it's 14?" Mr. Johnson counters.
The boy is stunned
"Well, that's what the teacher taught us."
He takes a seat in front of the boy. His chair is turned around backwards!
"Well, what do you think the answer is?"
"Gosh, nobody ever asked me that before."
"Well maybe it's about time they did."
Mr. Johnson pulls a mango from his pocket and takes a bite.The students are awestruck.
"But I thought teachers were supposed to eat apples?!"
"Well this teacher likes mango."
He takes another bite, then throws what's left of the mango over his shoulder and into the garbage bin. A perfect shot!
"To really find the answer sometimes you have to look beyond the problem, and use your imagination. So look at the board again, what do you think the answer is?"
The room is silent. The kids have never had to think for themselves before.
After a beat the silence is broken by the sweet voice of a freckle faced girl in the back of the room.
Another child yells out "21!" Then they all join in.
Everyone in the class is yelling out random numbers! They're really expressing themselves!
Everyone except for Billy. He stares at his desk, lost, confused. Mr. Johnson walks over and puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
"Well Billy, what do you think the answer is?"
Billy looks up at his teacher, hesitates for a moment, then breaks into a broad smile and proudly yells "4,297!" The class cheers and Mr. Johnson laughs.
He pulls another mango from his pocket and hands it to Billy. The boy takes a bite and smiles.
Meanwhile, outside the classroom two police officers stand with the principle and peak through the door at Mr. Johnson. Their guns are drawn.
"I don't know who the f@*k this guy is, but they found Mr.Jankowitz, in a dumpster outside of an Arby's. "
"What was left of him anyway."
The principle gravely nods, and the two officers kick in the door and open fire.
When the smoke clears, the children are fine, but Mr. Johnson lays dying on the ground, his body riddled with bullets. He motions for the officer that stands over him to lean in closer. He has something to say.
"I was going to rape every one of these kids."
At that, he lunges at the officer, teeth bared, but is stopped short by a bullet to the temple. His head explodes, but not before he bites a piece of the officer's cheek off.
Covered in bits of Mr. Johnson's skull and brain matter, the officer writhes in pain, shreiking and clutching his bloodied face. "My cheek, my cheek!" The children look on.
"He sure was a cheeky fellow," says Billy. Everyone laughs, even the injured officer, inspite of himself.