I don't think any American in their right mind would deny either the economic or environmental benefits of owning an eco-friendly car. From day one, you consume less gasoline, which means you don't have to spend as much moolah at the pump, and you don't emit as many pollutants into the beautiful air. Seems like a real win-win situation, if it wasn't for one remaining factor: eco-friendly cars, with only a handful of extremely over-priced exceptions, look like deformed weiners.

Even if you have absolutely nothing wrong with weiners, or even deformed weiners for that matter, you probably still don't want to drive around in anything that even vaguely resembles the male genitalia. Granted, Americans are often too pre-occupied with superficial things, like clothing and accessories. We believe these superficial things reflect upon ourselves: unattractive people wear unattractive clothes, for example. I admit that this sort of thinking is usually completely ridiculous, but not always – when you drive around in a phallic-shaped vehicle, I'm sorry to break the news, you kinda look like a dick.

I am by no means a scientist, but I don't understand why car manufacturers are so insistent on making eco-friendly cars that are so abnormally weird and ugly-looking. Sure, you can spend an arm and a leg to get an eco-friendly car that doesn't look like a weiner, or you could purchase a regular car with moderate eco-friendly upgrades, but should these really be the alternatives? Can't we have cars that are good for the environment and good for picking up chicks and/or dudes? Hell, I'd settle for an eco-friendly car that was good for picking up ugly chicks and/or dudes. Do you really need to drive a Hummer just to get one?

A lot of government money is currently going into alternative energy, and new eco-friendly car models are coming out all the time. I just hope that some of these models look a little bit less like the male genitalia, and a little more like… well, like anything else. Sure, America wants to save the environment, but what's the point if we're all going to look like dicks?

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