Having had a couple of girlfriends in my life, parents who are together still, and quite a few guy friends, I have come to the realization that surprises differ for guys and gals.

When a guy calls and tells his girlfriend that he has a surprise for her…

She expects a fine piece of jewelry.

He actually just shaved his ballsack (and all around gouch area).

When a girl calls and tells her boyfriend that she has a surprise for him…

She bought him a shirt with the logo of his favorite (any kind of sport) team. Probably on clearance.

He expects her to come home naked, have sex with him, and make him a congratulatory Denver omelet for satisfying her so well.

The reason that she went through the effort was because…

She loves him and wants him to know it.

He just assumes she wants to get his hopes for wild, beastly, donkey punch sex up.

The reason that he went through the effort was because…

She just assumes he wanted to get laid.

He wanted a Denver omelet.

There you have it folks. So next time you want a Denver omelet, or any omelet for that matter, just surprise your girl by shaving some hair off of one of your most crevicey body parts. She'll hardly have time to fuck your eyes out of your skull before she runs to the market to get her lovey bear some onions for his wonderfully prepared Denver omelet!

Damn, I love omelets. I'm gonna go shave my taint.