1. Coffee, well known for its dehydrating properties, will prevent your piss from coming out like snot.

2. Being forced into a police lineup is a fun way to meet new friends.

3. There is a country out there somewhere producing men with accents like they have received a tracheotomy from a blind carpenter.

4. Wind is strong enough to blow Gabriel Byrne's hair into a Beatles mop cut, but not strong enough to change the course of a flicked cigarette butt.

5. Stephen Baldwin is, in fact, capable of not stripping a film of all of its credibility.

6. Murdering your wife and kids instantly garners you legendary status within both the criminal underworld and law enforcement communities.

7. Drug deals are best done on highly elaborate and explosive watercrafts.

8. Upon joining the FBI, you are immediately transported to a time when smoking a cigar in an intensive care unit is the right thing to do.

9. Kevin Spacey looks stunning in a pin-striped suit and fedora.

10. You can fool a customs agent using only a coffee mug and the resolve to keep your hand contorted for 45 minutes.

11. Criminals are able to urinate with the precision of a table saw.