They say good things come to those who wait. So, for all you readers out there who have been waiting patiently at home all week, finals a distant memory, here's to you. And for those of us who had 5 finals, including 3 in 20 hours, and capped it off with a 1 on 1 final with the most awkward professor in the world, all because you couldn't make the original time because of a stupid mandatory court date because you may or may not have been publicly intoxicated? Yeah, here's to all you guys too. Rock on, to whoever may or may not have had that happen to them this week.

Alison Becker is out helping poor people, or something lame like that, so instead, it will be me bringing you all the latest and greatest from the hottest locale in the South Pacific. Hang on to your Dharma-issued hats, it's time for LOST.

Here's what went down, in the odometer of an old sports car.

After the chopper passes over, there is a mad scramble for the Orchid. Keamy is ready to kill, Ben is ready to move the island, Jack just wants to know what the hell is going on. Faraday begins ferrying people to the freighter, but someone is jamming the radio signal (again). Desmond finds some C4, Kate and Sayid are nabbed by the Others, and Ben gives himself up. In the flashback, we see the Oceanic 6 return from the Island, to face the press, loved ones, and some totally unexpected and unfortunate guests.

Here's what we learned:
1. Kate officially has no friends. Did anyone else feel bad as everyone else was met with hugs and kisses, while she sat around like the fat kid at a middle school dance?
2. When given a package, Hurley will inevitably end up with food. Mmmm, Saltines.
3. Ben always, ALWAYS has a plan.
4. Sun uses her Oceanic settlement money to become the majority holder in Paik industries, because she blames her father for Jin's fate. PWNED!
5. The Whispers move right off the Island, and into Hurley's home. Despite this, we are reminded tactfully by Hurley's mom that "Jesus Christ is not a weapon."
6. Hurley's mom throws him an island-themed birthday party. Too soon?
7. Despite his best attempts, Jack can never hope to replicate Sawyer, no matter how many times he yells "Son of a bitch", there's still only one Sawyer.
8. Jack finally gets the truth. Claire's your sister dude! Oh, and hi, I'm the heartless wench who stole your father's affection and inadvertently caused his "death." Nice to meet you too!
9. Michael and Jin are SO not cool right now. Betraying everyone and then working for Ben will usually do that for you.
10. The Others have still got it. You totally didn't see that circle of 18 people coming, did you Kate?

Hope everyone has some good theories to toss on the discussion board, and hope I didn't flub this column too badly in Alison's absence. Here's to May 29th hurrying up and getting here already.