DAYTONA BEACH, FL— Despite rising fuel costs, and concerns surrounding fossil fuel shortages, NASCAR assured fans this week, that the organization will continue depleting international fuel reserves. "With the world's resources becoming more and more and scarce, we think it's important to use them as quickly as possible before they go away," said NASCAR spokesman Jim Hunter. "A lot of American troops are our fans. We owe it to them to quickly burn what they're fighting for."

Sergeant, Tom Degrassi, is among the thankful fans. "I've lost several men in firefights, and each time I've wondered: will the heavy, heavy mortal price we've paid taking these strategic locations ultimately keep secure enough resources for New Zealander Scott Dixon to win the Indianapolis 500? Fortunately, this year, the answer was yes."

In hopes of continuing its trend of consuming precious commodities, NASCAR is  looking at ways for its vehicles to also evaporate drinking water. "We feel the next big wars will be fought over potable resources, and they'll be another great way for fans to participate," Hunter said. "We're the only sport that really gives supporters something to fight for."