Ethan: All of those "MVP" chants last night were for Sasha Vujacic, right?
Amir: THE MACHINE!!!
Ethan: Last night answered a lot of questions for me. I feel like the Celtics can probably win a game in LA, and they can do well when KG struggles. One question remains, though: is there someone in the arena spraying Kendrick Perkins with a hose? Because after a minute in the game, he's far too damp for it to be just normal sweat.
Amir: No wonder Odom got in foul trouble. Can you imagine trying to guard that guy? It's like leaning up against a seal or something. I would rather be sitting down watching the game from courtside seats, too!
Ethan: You know, just when everyone's saying Doc Rivers is a terrible strategic coach, he goes and does something brilliant like having Ray Allen guard Kobe one-on-one at the end of a close game. How the hell did that seem like a good idea? That might have worked ten years ago.
Amir: They tried trapping Kobe and he just split the defense with a pass and Lamar found Sasha for a wide open three. Then they tried guarding him one on one, and he just embarrassed Allen like it was opening night of "He Got Game."
Ethan: Spike Lee is the original Kobe Bryant.
Amir: I'm just worried that even at home, Celtics dictated the tempo. I think we played better in Game 1 then we did in Game 3. But we still haven't played at the level we did Game 6 in Utah and Game 4 in San Antonio. I was having flashbacks to 2004. Kobe pulling out a win for the team
but the Lakers still losing in 5. When I close my eyes all I can see is Rasheed Wallace and KG yelling together. It's deafening.
Ethan: Well, Gasol had a pretty horrendous game, as did Odom. Foul trouble or no, Odom only had 4 points in almost 28 minutes. That probably won't happen again.
Amir: You don't know what Lamar is capable of
Ethan: At what point does Sam Cassell stop getting into games? When he's sitting on the bench, he's just staring blankly at the rim, and you can hear his internal monologue, "Shootshootshootphonehomeshootshoot."
Amir: I was at Game 2 and my favorite means of trash talking was rooting for Sam Cassell. Celtics are such a stout defensive team yet they still have these players (House, Cassell, Posey) that think they are on the Suns. It's such a weird/disjointed team that it makes me extra pissed to think they're still going to BEAT LA! BEAT LA! BEAT LA!
Ethan: Cassell hasn't played for the Suns for 12 years. If he still thinks he's there, he's not just a defensive and offensive liability; he's close to going on the box score with "DNP- Alzheimer's" next to his name. What's your prediction for how the series plays out?
Amir: In five games this season, the Celtics have disrupted the Lakers offense and not allowed them to be themselves. Lakers can't get any good runs going. If I had to bet my life on it, I think the Celtics will be able to take a game in LA and close it out at home. But I'm going to be on my knees in a fetal position next to a TV with my hands together every game rooting against that. I mean, can Doc Rivers really take one from Phil Jackson?
Ethan: If he can, it's time to rethink Phil's legacy. I'm fairly certain the Celtics came out of a timeout towards the end of the game with no play drawn up. I mean, it's understandable, there was all sorts of other shit going on in the arena; how could Doc focus on drawing up a play for KG or Pierce? Better to just let Eddie House make some magic happen. Stick with what got you here, you know.
Amir: Before I forget, every fan going into Game 2 got two little posters to hold up. One said "BEAT LA!" and the other said "You Just Got Rondo'd!"
Ethan: If only "You Got Powe-ned" hadn't been left off. What do you think Tim Donaghy thought while he was watching the game last night?
Amir: He thought somebody was going to get fired if they called another technical on Kobe.
Ethan: I hope Donaghy's claims get progressively more ridiculous as his sentencing approaches. "Dude, I saw Violet Palmer eat a baby once. Swear to God. She swallowed it whole. Said if I told anyone, she'd hurt my family."
Amir: "In 1999, Dick Bavetta hit back to back threes then a four point play to lift the Knicks over the Heat in Game 4. Nobody said ANYTHING!"
Ethan: Moving on to the NFL: how are the Giants going to fill the gap on their defense with Strahan retiring?
Amir: You think Strahan knows anything about filling gaps? Look at that smile. The Giants don't need to win another Super Bowl any time soon. That miracle run is enough to keep New York happy for 80 years. Which is probably good because that's how long it'll take to rebuild the Knicks.
Ethan: They got hot and won the Super Bowl, but it probably wasn't going to happen two years in a row, Strahan or no. Welcome to the broadcast booth, Michael! Please punch Shannon Sharpe for me. Excited to see Griffey get his 600th home run?
Amir: I was disappointed. I thought Bruce would get there before Griffey would.
Ethan: Give him three more weeks and Jay Bruce will have us all forgetting Barry Bonds. I'm sort of annoyed that all the media talk about Griffey is not that he hit 600 home runs but "What if he hadn't been injured
" The guy hit 600 freakin' home runs! Sure, he could have hit more, but celebrate that. It's not like he's the Rich Harden of position players. Sure, he might not have been able to assert himself as the greatest player ever, but he's probably one of the 25-30 best ever. From hearing the "What if
" talk, you'd think he'd had Emil Brown's career. And yes, my list of 25-30 best players ever includes Eckstein. So scrappy. So gritty. So white.
Amir: So oddly not-Jewish.
Ethan: I'm disappointed the Tigers sent Dontrelle to Single A. I was hoping we'd learn about some new, much worse league like the Triple C that they could send him to where he could pitch to Neifi Perez. Got any interesting facts?
Amir: If you were to lineup the 1997-98 Bulls from most to least paid, where do you think Scottie Pippen would be?
Ethan: If it's higher than Dickey Simpkins, it's a gross miscarriage of justice.
Amir: It is, but just barely. Scottie Pippen is sixth! Behind MJ, Kukoc, Ron Harper, Rodman, AND Luc Longley.
Ethan: "Well, you can't have too many well-paid Australians around." Direct quote from Phil Jackson AND the makers of Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles.
Ethan: Until next week, get excited for Game Four!
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