Ethan: UBUNTU! UBUNTU! (I'm not even sure what that means. It's probably a translation of "Rout the Lakers…")

Amir: As a Laker fan last night was rough, but I'm just so proud of Glen Davis. He's been waiting months and months for this moment.

 

Ethan: Maybe you were watching this more closely than I was, but did Phil Jackson even coach the team last night? I think he was just sitting on the bench on mescaline. Nobody ever realized, "We can't rebound…maybe we shouldn't just shoot one-timer threes to give the ball back to the Celts on every possession?"

Amir: What do you want him to do? Trade for Leon Powe in the second quarter? Lakers are an offensive team. If they can't score they can't win. I've learned to never second guess the zen-master. He knows all.

Ethan: With the game plan they had last night, the Lakers winning as even less likely than Jordan Farmar finding earmuffs that fit. It wasn't just that their shots weren't falling; they were rebounding terribly and had too many defensive lapses. Let's give credit to the Celts, though; KG is now one of the world's most successful lunatics. He's right up there with Tom Cruise and Greenspan.

Amir: Did you see him after the game talking/babbling to Michelle Tafoya? I couldn't tell if he was really happy or just coming down from a drug so strong it makes heroin look like bubble gum. He was drooling, he was incoherent, he was yelling… I thought he would just burst into raw energy like the end of Powder and shoot out of the TD Banknorth Garden in a concentrated beam of light. God I hate that guy.

Ethan: Oh, how can you hate that? It's entertaining. If the Lakers had won, Kobe would be having to scramble to find kids to hold for photo ops. Since they lost, who knows how he's going to use his kids to curry public favor now; there's a decent chance Kobe appears in public breastfeeding a kid just to show what a sensitive guy he is. How great is it that the list of recent NBA championship coaches is: Pop, Riley, Larry Brown, Phil Jackson, Rudy T and…Doc Rivers?

Amir: From what I read, Doc had little to do with Boston's D. That was all Tom Thibodeau. So I think we don't have to panic yet about him being an actual good coach. Seriously though, there's happy, and then there's "Is he getting a blowjob under the press table?" happy. The big three were just hamming it up for the cameras. People already respect you Paul Pierce, you don't have to pretend to be speechless! God I hate that guy.

Ethan: What's next? Are you going to say you hate Brian Scalabrine? That you're not glad Sam Cassell got another ring; he'll someday tell his grandkids that he singlehandedly won this title. Actually, he's old enough that he might already have grandkids; that day could be tomorrow. Which team has the better shot at winning next year? Keep in mind that instead of using his clipboard to draw up plays, Phil spent most of the second half annotating Andrew Bynum's medical chart.

Amir: Celtics are only getting older and with Ariza and Bynum at full strength (plus the acquisition of a James Posey type small forward) the Lakers are the favorites going forward. Go team! Plus we have a whole off-season to waive Vladimir Radmonovich — the Slava Medvedenko of 2008. I'm just sayin' theres only one REAL reason to cry after winning a championship and I haven't seen anybody kill KG's dad this year.

Ethan: You know that Chris Mihm and Ira Newble are unrestricted free agents, right?

Amir: Who do you think feels worse right now? Me, Mitch Kupchak, or Antoine Walker?

Ethan: Sebastian Telfair. If he could have just stuck around for one more season, he'd have that ring. Now, he'll have to shoot Eddie House and take his.

Amir: Ah yes, Eddie House. Another Celtic I hate. Running around KG trying to convince people "The Big Four is here to stay!"

Ethan: Let's talk about the other exciting playoff this week: golf. Man, that was exciting; they finally found a way to make golf worth watching. I think these "tournaments" should just be replaced with Tiger going heads-up against some guy no one's ever heard of before. Sorry, rest of the PGA Tour.

Amir: How sad for golf, though. Their most exciting moment in years and it's on at 2pm on a Monday. Even the Arena Bowl is on during prime time… I know we never mentioned him but I just wanted to say that I also hate PJ Brown.

Ethan: I'm just glad that people named "Rocco" finally got a chance to see that they don't just have to be steel-mill workers and professional armwrestlers…they can make something of themselves on the links, too. Did you approve of the Mets firing Willie Randolph? As a Phillies fan, I was hoping they'd let him swing in the wind for another 8-12 weeks while they made their decision.

Amir: I just like that they did it at three in the morning. Like it was a sneak attack during the Revolutionary War.

Ethan: I just hope that when Randolph said goodbye to the team, it was like when your parents get divorced. "Guys, just know that this isn't your fault…(sees Carlos Delgado), okay, maybe it is your fault…"

Amir: Now that he's gone, their pitchers can start pitching better! Finally!

Ethan: Aaron Heilman only sucks because Willie made him so nervous. On the other hand, perhaps they should have done what Seattle did and addressed the underlying problem of the guy who assembled the roster. I think at this point the Mariners don't even have positions, you just show up and play wherever you want like in a company softball game. Congrats, Ichiro, you're going to love shortstop this inning!

Amir: I just want to point out that I don't hate Rajon Rondo, but only because I don't respect him enough as a basketball player.

Ethan: His hear is almost as big as his hands! Nowhere near as big as his eyes, though, which can see into both the future and the souls of men.

Ethan: Got an interesting fact?

Amir: You might think Boston is having the best sports year ever, but did you know that the only city to ever have a team in all four leagues in the finals in one twelve month span is Philadelphia in 1981?

Ethan: And the home fans still booed them. It's not enough to make the Finals; you gotta be scrappy, too. Until next week, get excited for Wimbledon!

StraightCashHomey.net is also an obscure sports jersey blog. Enjoy!