If I had a genie in a lamp I would wish for these things. I'm sure of this. These are not your ordinary wishes: I wanna be rich, I wanna live forever, I want to shit out bricks of gold blah blah blah. Those have been done. This is what I'd wish for. Most of them are based on entertainment value. None of these are in any specific order.

1) I wish Michael Jackson becomes black and awesome again. I believe Michael Jackson's coolness is directly correlated to his blackness. Remember how insane Thriller was? Best music video ever if you ask me. I would say that that was the height of his blackness and also his coolness. Fast forward a few years and he had that weird music video that contained footage of what looked to be glimpses of his first lesbian video. Significantly whiter, much less cool, and kinda creepy. Fast forward a bit more and you got that whole Neverland Ranch sleepover fiasco. The guy was so white at that point, he was almost translucent. He was being accused of child molestation. You can't get anymore uncool from there. He then fled to Saudi Arabia for a couple of years where he had to get at least a little tan, right? Saudi Arabia is hot as balls. Plus Saudi Arabia is kinda close to Africa, and being that close to Africa would make anyone black.

2) I wish I could see a group of wiggers get their asses kicked by a group of black people. Aren't you tired of these white kids pumping 2pac and talking like they were raised in the Bronx? Give me a break; you were raised in the richest suburb in Calgary. White people have a weird tendency to be anything but white. I would love to see a bunch of guys wigging out and then being seen by a group of actual gangstas and just get beat.

3) I would love to see a stupid clothing trend rise from the ashes and return to be "cool." Something dumb like overalls or turtleneck sweaters would be hilarious. Or maybe even both simultaneously. As much as wearing a pink polo that's one size too small with the collar popped is as every bit manly as it can be, nothing screams dominant alpha male like wearing an oversized turtleneck covering your entire neck in the middle of July. Your collar can't get any more popped than when you're wearing a turtleneck. You just can't buy popped collar coolness like that these days…yet.