It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our new submission page!
Matt W., Griffith University
My friend Chuck and I were leaving for a beach trip so my cousin Dan had the house to himself. We decided to just hang out somewhere for a bit and then pretend to break in and rob him since he had thought we were long gone. We came back with paintball masks and paintball guns so he could experience the full effect. I kicked open the back door and screamed, "Get over here mother f*cker!" In his boxers, Dan flew through the house to the back where we were pointing the guns, and he threw a glass bottle at my face that exploded everywhere and sliced his feet up. He then tackled me onto the stove and started punching the sh*t out of me. Chuck was able to grab him off and we settled Dan down. We found out he stayed at a neighbor's while we were gone and he's still afraid to stay home alone.
Jimmy D., Mount Saint Mary
So my junior year I lived with this dude who turned out to be a total arrogant prick. He was in my school's criminal justice program, and he was set on becoming a cop so that he could be an asshole and abuse his power. He was the type of guy that would see kids driving home drunk after parties and call the cops on them, yet he would often drive drunk himself. He also just generally annoyed the shit out of me. To teach him a lesson, I waited until one night towards the end of semester when he got pretty drunk and then decided that he wanted taco bell. I called the cops and gave them the description of his car, and said I saw it driving really erratically. He ended up getting pulled over, got a DUI, his car got impounded, he had to sit in the drunk tank, and he lost his job writing parking tickets for the campus police. He also ended up with a pretty worthless degree because now that he has a criminal record, he can't be a cop. Too far? Oh well, he was a real asshole.
Remember that time you lost your virginity to that frat boy at that Halloween party in your bumble bee costume? And then you wondered how everyone found out? Yeah, that was me. I still tell that story, even to people you don't know. And remember how you got my boyfriend banned permanently from our campus because you told the RA he was selling drugs? How did I find out it was you? One of your "best friends" told me. That's why I rubbed your water cup all over my feet and your toothbrush. Oh, and just a heads up, stay away from frat parties next fall. I'm kicking your ass the next time I see you.
Liz, Marist College
My roommate sophomore year was dating this one girl that he used to work with who started out ok, but then turned into a total pain in the ass. Then we learned that she was actually married and had 3 kids. Of course she never told my roommate, but we had to find out from one of her friends we saw drunk at a bar one night. She would tell her husband that she was working the graveyard shift, and come over our house, leaving the husband with the three kids. My friend quickly ended the relationship and she went batshit crazy. She'd show up at our apartment banging on the door and calling his name until finally he'd let her in or she'd go away. This would actually go on until late in the morning. One night she came banging on the door at 2 in the morning, yelling his name and going through all the dramatic bullshit. I went and told my roomate, but he turned over and went to sleep, so I went back to my room and did the same. I quickly fell into a deep sleep when I was startled awake by someone crashing through the front door and making their way through the living room and down the hall. I was so out of it that I thought someone was breaking in. My door was a little ajar so I could see the shadow coming down the hall, I waited until it passed in front of my door and threw all my force behind my right fist, aiming for what I was hoping was the face/jaw area. The force of my blow sent us both crashing into the wall, but from the feeling in my hand I connected, and connected well. My roommate came out of his room to see me standing over his ex, while she was completely knocked out. I left him to deal with the aftermath and quietly laughed myself to sleep. I'm not one for guys hitting women, but I can honestly say that bitch deserved it for what she was doing to her family. We never saw her again after that.
F. G., CSU Fresno