Your Boss: I have a special project for you to work on.
Translation: Here is some bullsh*t that I don't feel like doing.
Your Boss: I need you to finish this by the end of the day.
Translation: I am supposed to have it done by the end of the day.
Your Boss: I'm leaving early to run some errands.
Translation: The CEO left early, so I'm going home to get drunk.
Your Boss: Will you print this report for me?
Translation: Will you print this report since I have no idea how to do it myself?
Your Boss: I emailed you about this last week.
Translation: I didn't email you but you have to act like I did since I'm your boss.
Your Boss: Why didn't you take care of that?
Translation: Why didn't you read my mind since you had no other way of knowing?
Your Boss: I never told you that.
Translation: I probably did tell you that, but I'm really old and it's hard to remember.
Your Boss: Can you explain that again?
Translation: Can you say it again since I have ADD?
Your Boss: I was on another call when you called me.
Translation: I was in the middle of Solitaire.
Your Boss: Why do you need that day off?
Translation: Why can't you just live here?
Your Boss: I have no idea where those reports went.
Translation: They are buried in the GIANT stacks of paper on my desk and I'm lazy.
Your Boss: I'm here by 5:00am each morning.
Translation: I have no life.
Your Boss: Here is a memo from Human Resources.
Translation: Throw this away for me.
Your Boss: Can you come to my office?
Translation: Can you walk over here just so I can hand something to you?
Your Boss: Pizza party Friday and you get to leave at 4:00!
Translation: This is what you get instead of a raise!
Your Boss: Why is this in Excel format?
Translation: You know how to use Excel?
Your Boss: Man, I am having a horrible day.
Translation: I am going to go slam three beers from a cooler I keep in my truck.
Your Boss: Good job on that report for the CEO.
Translation: F*ck you, you brown-noser.