Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Batman: The Dark Hype
July 18, 2008
The anticipation around the new Batman movie has reached unprecedented levels. It's crazy to think that in two weeks you can walk around and ask anybody in America what they thought of the new Batman movie and 98% will be able to respond.
- In New York and Los Angeles, there were not only midnight showings, but 3AM and 6AM showings all were sold out before July 4th.
- Certain theatres in Kansas City and Miami are allowing patrons to sit and wait in the theatre next to the one showing
The Dark Knight
and listen to that theatre rumble and vibrate for $40.
- A theatre in Bucks County, PA will let you lick the film chemicals off the projectionist's fingers for $52.
s across Ohio are allowing people, for $55, to have some of the leftover popcorn that's left in the theater, hoping some information from the movie leaked into the butter.
- At certain theatres in Florida and Maine, you can hold the film reel for $99.50 and bite into one frame.
- In Nebraska, certain Loews theatres are allowing people to pay $160 to stare at the poster outside the theater, and another $20 to sketch it with charcoal.
- In Charleston, South Carolina somebody will hold you up and
ask you "Why So Serious?" For $340. 9 times out of 10 he'll just ask you if the money you spent was worth it. You have to answer yes.
- At the Atlanta Cineplex Odeon 22, you can pay $475 to hold an exact replica of an actual ticket that would have gotten you into the movie, and go into a special isolation booth where you may scream at the top of your lungs and nobody can hear you guaranteed.
- In Dubai, a single ticket costs three islands. There are no soda refills.
- The theaters in Maine and Florida will also set up a film reel to unravel the movie straight down your throat and into your stomach for $100,000.
- Adam West has been sitting outside a New Jersey 7-11 offering to wink at random customers for two dollars. He's made $3.5 million since last week.
- Seal's 1995 single "Kiss From A Rose" off the Batman Forever soundtrack was nominated for 18 Grammy awards this year (including best spoken word album).
-For $10, you can purchase a rock and participate in the public stoning of the one critic on RottenTomatoes who kept the movie from getting a perfect score.
The Dark Knight
has already leaked online, though computers made before 2009 can't handle how gripping Heath Ledger is as The Joker.
- Rumor has it that an elderly patron left an hour and a half into the film due to "severe stomach pain" and was immediately hospitalized for "being a fucking idiot."
- In Japan, the sequel to the
sequel is already out. The villain is Clayface.
This article was co-written by my co-workers. The way it worked was, I wrote the funny ones and they wrote the unfunny ones.
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