I am SO. BORED. Ugh. I want to go see a movie, but there is NOTHING out right now. I guess I'll go see Meet Dave. Wait, what? There's a new Batman movie out? No way! And it's broken every single record ever? Man. I am always the last to know. (DListed)

Not the last to know? Christian Bale's insane mother and sister, who have been waiting for this moment their entire lives. I'm sure you've all heard some watered down story of Christian Bale getting arrested for punching his mom in the face or something, but here's the story.

1. Christian Bale's movie made tons of money
2. Christian Bale's crazy mother and sister came to his hotel all liquored up
3. Christian Bale's sister asked for $200,000
4. Christian Bale said no
5. Christian Bale's sister insulted Christian Bale's wife or something
6. Christian Bale crushed both their heads.
7. JK, Christian Bale got pissed and cursed at them
8. They went to the police like a couple bitches
9. Christian Bale was arrested and willfully went in for questioning
10. Christian Bale is free.  Christian Bale wins. The end. (Celebslam, IDLYITW, DListed, IDLYITW, WWTDD)

James Blunt was also a winner this week.  Blunt, despite looking like a muppet and singing like a boy halfway through puberty, is still pulling hot naked chicks. Let this be a lesson to all of you. Anything is possible.(Celebslam)

While Sienna Miller also was out getting fondled in public this week, the studio execs of her upcoming film 'Hippie Hippie Shake' were making the call to, er, 'digitally enhance' her pubic hair. Apparently people didn't have landing strips in the 60s. For reference, digital artists will be using AC Slater's hair. (Egotastic, WWTDD)

This week, Forbes published their list of top paid actors and actresses. Will Smith topped the guys, while Cameron Diaz topped the girls.  Almost immediately after hitting newstands, the producer of 'What Happens in Vegas' called his account to report a 'grave clerical error.' (WWTDD)

Great news this week – reality-star and possible-tranny Brooke Hogan might do Playboy. As part of the deal, father Hulk Hogan will remain on set all day, making sure the shots are tasteful and greasing up her breasts whenever they get dry. Hogan Knows Breast! (Egotastic)

Miley Cyrus wants to get naked in her next movie. I honestly don't blame her. Do you remember how horny you were freshman year of high school? Horniness fame money = naked movie. Just keep in mind that she's 15 before you start to Hannah your Montana, IF you know what I mean. (Egotastic)

Britney Spears is hot again! Wait…wait, no, nevermind. But wait, she…she kind of is in those first pictures, right? But then, no, in the second pictures she looks terrible. But then…I just…how is that HEAD EXPLODES(WWTDD)

Let's just take a moment, shall we, to acknowledge the snarky eye that this column sometimes takes towards the Hollywood scene. We tend to forget how glamorous and grounded much of Hollywood is. Take debutante and fashion icon Jodie Marsh for instance. If this isn't a poised and graceful young lady, I don't know what is. (Hollywood Tuna)

Dustin Diamond is writing a tell-all book about his years as Screech called 'Behind the Bell.'  OMG OMG OMG I can't WAIT to find out who Dennis Haskins was hooking up with. Twenty bucks says Elizabeth Berkley. (DListed)

This week it was revealed that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt conceived their latest babies through in vitro. These two are officially addicted to babies. It's only a matter of time until we find Angelina on the street with a cardboard sign that says 'will suck dick for babies.' (IDLYITW)

Jessica Simpson was booed this week as she made her country debut. The audience members called her an embarrassment and a fraud. In unrelated news, it was 'Dallas Cowboy Fan Night' at the concert stadium. (Celebslam)

And last but not least, this week's Still Got It award. While the freak of evolution also known as Carrot Top is clearly this week's winner, I have to take a moment to honor Estelle Getty, the best Golden Girl, who passed away this week. Still got it Estelle, even from the great beyond. (Celebslam, DListed)