Let's face it: Our planet is in trouble. Almost every environmental expert predicts that the effects of global warming will soon cause drastic and harmful changes to life on Earth. It's easy to see its impact after watching An Inconvenient Truth, because clearly it depressed Al Gore so much that he had to turn to food for comfort. Below are just a few of the precautions I'm taking in my everyday life to reduce my carbon footprint. My hope is that after reading this you will be inspired to come up with your own list and not steal from mine, because that is called plagiarism.

Make sure all televisions, radios, and computers in your home are always on.

 This is probably the easiest and most effective way to be eco-friendly. It's important to keep televisions, computers, and radios on at all times, and at full volume level, so that you are able to find about any new ways to save the environment at a moment's notice. For example, what if a news report comes out that says that keeping your televisions, radios, and computers on at all times is bad for the environment? How will you know?

Drive a Hummer.

These are easily the coolest vehicles known to man. Just check one out, I'll wait… See what I mean? Isn't it completely sick? The purpose of driving a Hummer is relatively simple: When a person sees a Hummer, they immediately think, "Man, that is such a cool car." They will soon realize that if they don't start helping out the environment, human beings won't be on the Earth anymore and thus, unable to enjoy the pleasure that comes from seeing one. And that, much like the Hummer itself, is a future that most can't afford to have.

Use "high-flow" showers and toilets.

I have a really nice head of hair. I mean, a full, luscious, lion-esque mane. So when I tell people to reduce their carbon emissions, they know I'm not f*cking around, 'cause man, look at that hair! High flow showers help maintain my beautiful locks and subsequently, maintain the planet. High flow toilets are important because you need to flush after you take a sh*t.

Go through as much trash as possible.

Did you know that over 90 percent of the Earth's landfills are at full capacity? Did you know a newborn kangaroo is about 1 inch in length? Did you know pearls melt in vinegar? Did you know the ears of a cricket are located on the front legs, just below the knee? Save the environment, asshole.

Eat as much meat as possible.

Some critics say that eating meat is harmful to animals and as result, harmful to the environment. F*ck those people. Because what they fail to realize is that when cows fart, they blow off methane gasses into the air which poison the atmosphere. This simply can't be tolerated. Just imagine an entire field full of cows, farting all the time. That is so— actually, that's pretty damn hilarious. Ha! They're all like standing there, farting all over the place. That just may be the funniest thing I've ever pictured in my head. F*ck it, save the cows.



Conor McKeon is the co-founder and president of Save The World International, a non-profit environmental organization that does VERY well for itself financially…ladies?