While discussing the Olympics at work one day, Susanna expressed her belief that the Olympics and all the athletes involved – our world's most finely-tuned sportsmen – were just wasting their time.Naturally, we decided she should be our official Olympic correspondent. Let's see how she'll belittle the efforts of so many incredible athletes today!

I'm calling shenanigans on all this record-breaking swimming. It seems like everyone who jumps in a pool breaks a record these days. I refuse to believe that mere human evolution can produce such profound effects in 4-year spans. Something is up.

Gymnasts should be given a dugout or some other private area to go to after they really mess up a routine. That Alicia something-or-other who fell (twice) really looked like she could use a rock to crawl behind and weep.

Do you think that one brown-haired American gymnast feels out of the loop?

Did you hear that thing about how the Chinese government takes gymnasts when they're 3 years-old, trains them non-stop, and only let's them see their parents once a year? No wonder we can't beat them. It's like making American kids compete in a sneaker-making contest against sweatshop kids.

There's no way that super tiny Chinese gymnast is 16.