Ok folks, now that summer is coming to a close, it is time for me to look back on a potential checklist for a college student home for the summer, and what actually happened on the path to achieving these goals.

1. Eat Healthier Food/Average 3 Hot Pockets per hour

2. Read Some Novels/Read a Sharper Image catalog on the toilet

3. Sleep With The Hot Girl From High School/Jerked it so much that my sheets look like they have been snowed on

4. Master The Guitar/Can now play the chorus section to Bon Jovi's Livin' On a Prayer

5. Learn Something New/Figured out that jacking off with two hands feels a bit like an orgy

6. Run 5 Miles a Day/Can't drive 3 miles without breaking a sweat

7. Watch Less TV/Watched every episode of Full House

8. Watch Fewer Movies/Watched The Postman and Weekend at Bernies biweekly

9. Get a Good Internship/Scrubbed shit and piss off of toilets for gas money

10. Spend Time Outdoors/Saw the sun once, threw up everywhere

11. Don't Drink and Drive/Shotgunned beers on the hood of my car while ghost riding it

12. Work On My Novel/Did a really hard maze in Ranger Rick Magazine

13. Get a Tan/Caught some rays next to the microwave while working on my H Pockets

14. Go To Tons of Concerts/Thought about seeing Hootie and the Blowfish, realized I was about to see Hootie and the Blowfish, got drunk instead

15. Drink Less/Drank Tons

16. Drink Good Beer/Drank Schlitz

17. Get Motivated By Michael Phelps/Drunk drove like Michael Phelps

18. Get Ready For Next Semester/Thought about transferring to ITT Tech

19, Do Something Unheard Of/Whacked it to Shark Week

20. Seriously, Do Nothing/Check

So I didn't really accomplish much. Oh well, there's always next summer.