Okay, we GET IT, Michael Phelps won 8 gold medals, WHATEVER. There are far more important things to be talking about, people. For example, the fact that Gwen Stefani just had a baby and named it Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. ZUMA NESTA ROCK ROSSDALE. It sounds more like a list of cities in Arizona than an actual human. Move over Spec Wildhorse Mellencamp and Pilot Inspektor Lee, there's a new retarded name in town. (WWTDD)

However, it appears no one is immune from the Phelps-mania epidemic. This week, a bra-hating Lindsay Lohan called Phelps 'amazing', and told reporters that she 'wanted to meet him.' Hmm. Was that before or after he was valued at $100 million over his lifetime? More importantly, before or after Speedo gave us all a guided tour of the meat factory? (IDLYITW, WWTDD, DListed)

Lily Allen was up to her usual tricks this week, drunkenly starting a fight with a woman on the street and then failing to notice that her breast was, once again, exposed. Lily Allen is sounding more and more like a frat guy every day. I can't wait until she starts poop scooping the paparazzi. (Egotastic)

Pictures emerged this week of Eva Longoria looking seemingly pregnant. That, or she just ate half a burrito. It could go either way. (DListed)

Jennifer Garner announced her second pregnancy this week. How exciting! At least there's no pressure on the kid – it's by default the most attractive Garner/Affleck offspring. (Celebslam)

Not-so-breaking news: Jennifer Lopez is kind of a bitch. This week at Good Morning America, she was overheard complaining that Michael Phelps' Olympic sweep was taking the attention away from where it should be – on her post-pregnancy marathon training. Sorry to burst your delusional bubble, J. Lo, but your training regime is like the boxing portion of the Olympics – nobody knows it's happening, and even if they did, they wouldn't give a shit. (WWTDD)

Adrian Grenier is catching some flack this week for a pretty douche-y picture of him sitting on the beach with a guitar, surrounded by chicks. I don't mind the guitar part so much – I mean, I get it. What weirds me out is how oblivious his lady friend is to the exposure of her nipple. I mean, she can feel that her bathing suit isn't touching her skin, right? (WWTDD)

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi finally got married this week, after California overturned the ban on gay marriage. Does it make you guys sad to know that Ellen DeGeneres pulls hotter chicks than you? I'm just curious. (IDLYITW)

It's bikini season, guys. And you know what that means – sunscreen! Just kidding, of course it means bikinis. Lots and lots of bikinis. It's like a Dr. Seuss book for perverts. Orange bikinis, Gold bikinis, Patterns and More; With any less clothing they would be a prostitute. Am I doing this right? (Egotastic, Hollywood Tuna, Celebslam)

But nobody, and I mean NOBODY, works a bikini like Selma Blair. Look at those curves! That feminine face! Those boobs! Yikes. I feel like I just caught my moody 13 year old neighbor trying on his sister's bathing suit. (Hollywood Tuna)

Chris Kattan and his inexplicably hot wife split up this week, after she woke up one day and realized she was married to Mango. (DListed)

This week it was announced that Jessica Simpson will purchase a 15% stake in beer company Stampede Light Plus, not only acting as shareholder, but spokesperson as well. The first of her ads appeared online, and it's the most conservative beer ad I've ever seen. It seriously looks like the cover of a Christian rock album. Why would you have Jessica Simpson in a beer ad and work her boobs? Their next ad features Angelina Jolie, but instead of her face there's just a huge beer logo. (Hollywood Tuna)

Sienna Miller got pwned this week when some hooligans spray-painted 'SLUT' on the front of her London home. Don't worry, Sienna. When the 10th plague comes, only those with 'SLUT' written on their door frames will be saved. (IDLYITW)

And, as usual, time for this week's Still Got It. While Tori Spelling's horrifying boobs really gave us a run for our money this week, we had to give it to Maria Shriver, who was nominated by user Katie. The California Governor's wife looks like a robot desperately trying to avoid scrutiny on Earth by wearing a human suit even though the bottom half of the face doesn't really fit right. Congratulations, Maria! You and your robot face Still Got It. (Celebslam, Exposay, Top Socialite)