• V.P. Candidate Sarah Palin validates herself by showing picture of her erecting a Christmas tree in downtown Wasilla.
  • John McCain wakes from nap ten minutes early, before delegates can complete drawing magic marker mustache.
  • Entire arena goes silent when a black man walks into the room, immediately realizes he is at the wrong address, and awkwardly backs out.
  • Small talk in line for the free blood pressure checking station.
  • After leaving the podium, Sarah Palin curses under her breath for forgetting to mention that Barack Obama is a, "know-nothing doo-doo-head."
  • Rudy Giuliani gets "9/11" tattoo on ass to cover up previous "9/11" tattoo on ass which he decided was, "much too small."
  • "No, this is not the Hanoi Hilton!  Who are you?  Stop calling!"
  • Bristol Palin ISOFFLIMITSBRAAGHHADFASOGHDSGHSAOFH320
  • John McCain falls asleep again, mustache drawing resumes.
  • Abortion doctor burned in effigy.
  • Vice Presidency explained to Sarah Palin as, "not quite as good as President, but pretty close."
  • LSD, DUUUUUUUUUUUDE!
  • "Why the fuck is Joe Lieberman still here?"
  • John McCain attempts to wash mustache off of face before discovering his arms are too short to reach his upper lip.
  • Some boring political shit.