Where We Last Left Our Heroes: FuturePeter decided to make a mess out of the past, Hiro and Ando lightheartedly chased after a speedster that would bring about Armageddon, Noah left Claire's negligent, deadbeat, fire-creatin' mom to babysit, Peter got stuck in a villain's brain, Nathan and Tracy Strauss slapped democracy in the face and got themselves a Senate seat, and Sylar found out he was a Petrelli. Nathan and Peter were sure lucky they didn't get THOSE eyebrow genes.

This Week On Heroes: Ahh, the soothing sound of Mohinder's bland, lifeless narration lulls us into another week. Remember how this season was called "Villains?" And how those Level 5 villains were supposed to be the baddest of the bad and so insanely powerful and evil that, if unleashed, they would pretty much destroy the world? Well…yeah, forget that. The Level Fivers decide to rob a bank, much to Peter/Jesse's dismay, but he goes along hoping to stop them. They rob the bank and hurt absolutely no one, except the guy who gains power from fear punches a hole in the Magneto-one (whose magnetic strength is roughly equal to a refridgerator magnet).

Mama Petrelli feeds Sylar another uselessly-powered hero before teaming him up with Noah Bennett to catch the superevil Level 5 villains. This don't sit too well with Noah, who is still smarting from finding out that Claire-Bear got brain-raped. My guess is Noah is the by-the-books cop and Sylar is the renegade who breaks all of the rules but he gets results, dammit! They find out about the bank robbery and go to stop it. They do so with relative ease, especially after FuturePeter takes Peter out of Jesse and whisks him away. Sylar ends up taking Jesse's Banshee-power, and the only villain returned to Level 5 is the blue fire-guy while fear-guy gets away. So TWO of the worst villains ever are dead as of episode 3. Jeez.

Claire is pissy and angsty, so Fire Mama fire-boards Claire (like water-boarding, but a lot sillier) to convince her deal with her attack. Claire ends up taking Noah's super-secret files that he leaves out in the open and drives off. Tracy Strauss investigates Nikki and finds Micah at Nikki's funeral, proving they are not the same person. Micah, as awful as ever, helps her find out a common link: a doctor named Zimmerman, who more or less states that Tracy was part of a superhero cloning project. Suddenly, Nikki's story for the past two seasons begins to almost make sense.

Hiro and Ando continue their extremely light-hearted quest to stop the speedster and save the formula by relaxing at a German movie theatre, where the Haitian is transporting the other half of the formula. They manage to ruin everything once again and the speedster runs off with the other half of the formula. Hiro really should've just stayed in Japan and played with his clocks. Matt, meanwhile, follows the African guy who has the power to paint the future and – more specifically – Matt's entire life…and he draws Matt even chubbier than he already is. He has failed to develop as an artist, I guess. Matt sees one that has him crying over a dead blonde chick, so takes some power-drugs and listens to a mixtape to have a vision quest.

And Noah still wants to kill Sylar. Surprise!

Badass Moments:


-Almost everything with Sylar and Noah, especially Sylar impersonating a cop and Sylar not understanding why Noah was pissed at him

-Peter discovering Jesse's power

-Ando smackin' the Haitian

Bad, Ass Moments:

-Micah returns, older but just as boring and awful as before

-The villains not hurting ANYONE even though they're supposed to be insane and crazy and unstoppable. And Jesse's insanely awesome power was…his ability to yell real loud?

-Hiro and Ando…why are characters I like so much stuck in such an awful storyline? I'd almost rather see Hiro romancing an ancient princess while Ando reads about it.

NEXT WEEK ON HEROES:
Sylar steals Martha Stewart's power! Mohinder gets all sticky! FutureClaire returns and continues pointing guns at people! Guess she didn't learn her lesson last time.