It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds here.

One of my roommates was a dumb redneck who never paid his rent, ate all my food, and brought back ugly and/or fat hoes that chilled at our place all the time. One day, I got a hold of some "magic mushrooms". I made some pasta and offered him some. Of course, that cheap loser won't ever turn it down. In his pasta, I added the 'shrooms. Right after we ate, I gave him beer. While he wasn't looking, I added some laxative to his beer. He drank the whole beer. About an hour later, this guy was freaking out. He would go into the bathroom and look at himself in the mirror and yell at himself. The funniest part came when he was tripping and he had the sh*ts. He was literally crying while he was talking a dump.
J Gritz, Western Illinois

You know how you asked me to feed your fish while you went away for the weekend? Well I completely forgot, and instead spent the weekend celebrating the fact that the RA (you) was away by smoking and throwing a ridiculous party in our apartment. I really didn't think you were going to cry about a fish, or spend three hours on the phone with Petco because you thought he was sick.
Deliliah Cosgrove, School Not Given

Two years ago I had one of the worst room mates I've ever had. This guy had dropped out of school after like 1 month of classes, all he did was play on his computer all day and night. His parents thought he was still in school so they were still footing the bill. He would drink every single drop of alcohol in the house, and 30% of the time throw it up on the floor of our bathroom and leave a drunk note saying "Clean it up tomorrow" when tomorrow for him started at 2:00 pm. He never paid his bill on time (and it was water) and then expected us to pay the reconnect and late fees. Well he just kept pissing me off and pissing me off so one weekend when he went home, I brought a bunch of fiberglass insulation home from my job (work for friend's contractor dad). I took my roommate's comforter off his bed and cut a hole along the seam. Me and my girlfriend pulled all of the stuffing out and replaced it with insulation. Then she sewed it up and we put it back on his bed. There was about a month left of school, and my roommate developed a mysterious rash for the rest of that month. His arms and legs were totally broken out in little pimply sores, and he was itchy for the rest of that month I never knew if he figured out what was wrong with his comforter or not.
Larry McFly, School Not Given

My roommate my first semester of my first year of college was a total drunk. Probably 4 days out of the week literally he was drunk. He was also the dirtiest roommate this side of the Mississippi River. Every morning at about 3 am he would come in the room drunk and be too lazy to put his clothes anywhere so he would dump it by his computer. One night (It was a Wednesday Morning about 4am) he came home drunk and threw up in his bed. We were on bunk beds and he was on top, so the throw up leaked down the wall to where i was sleeping. He then jumped down from the bed and pissed on the floor. I screamed at him and he replied saying "Shut up I'm in the bathroom". He then left and went to the bathroom where he was passed out on the floor. I was so heated, but it stunk so bad that I had to go in his closet to grab one of his fave busted tees to clean it up. But I was still pretty mad. So I looked over to his rather large pile of dirty clothes by his computer and pissed all over them. Then forced myself to throw up on the clothes. That morning the RA walked him back into the room. When my roommate woke up I explained to him how he pissed on the floor, in his clothes then threw up in his clothes and left the room. He paid me $100 bucks for putting up with it. By the way… He reads Collegehumor like every day, he's even the one that told me about CH. Hey Micheal!!!
Anonymous, University of Illinois

My roommate is a total shit bag – he is too lazy to do anything, makes our apartment look like trash, and is too lazy to buy food so he eats mine. His girlfriend is always over and is the whiniest bitch I had ever met. I had been waiting for the perfect opportunity to get back at them. One night at a party I was there with him and his gf. After a while he ditched us, we couldn't find him. His gf is really skinny, so she gets drunk easily. She wasn't doing well at all. So I took her to the bathroom so she could puke. In the toilet I saw someone had shit and forgot to flush. She was too sick to notice, so I put her in front of the toilet and her face fell in! She immediately lifted it out and started puking, when she was done I laid her down next to it so she wouldn't drown or anything, then left. The next day my roommate was telling me about how his gf said she got shit all over her face at that party, it was hilarious.
Mike, UIUC



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