You are a pansy. You are weak. You are just a lame person in every aspect of your life. You are a good student, but besides that, you just suck. You can't make eye contact with a girl without looking down and swallowing and trying not to think about your tiny genitalia.
Take Off The Cap, Take A Sip, And Keep The Cap Off Until You Switch Locations:
You are an idiot. You can't commit. You are a follower who tries to be brave but you're really not and in reality everyone is laughing at you because you don't even realize how big of an idiot you really are. You approach a girl and start talking to her and while you're ordering her a drink she looks over at her friend and rolls her eyes. The people you consider your best friends can rarely even remember your name.
Take Off The Cap And Immediately Throw It Away:
You are a huge douchebag. Everyone hates you. Wait- everyone hates you- but you. You think that you're awesome. You stare at yourself every time you walk past a window with a reflective surface. Which is constantly. And while you stare at yourself in public, you run your hand through your greasy hair, which leaves your hand sticky and dirty but, because of your I.Q. bordering on mentally retarded, you don't even taste the gel and dirt on your hand as you suck on your fingers to get off all the excess Cheetos powder. Enjoy having sex with fat chicks and your Darwin award.
Take Off The Cap And Chug The Whole Water In One Take:
You are a prick. You train your body for some athletic event of some imaginary importance and you try to make sure everyone knows it. Do you even own a t-shirt that isn't Under Armour or a pair of shorts with pockets? You are literally hated by everyone. And I mean everyone you have ever met and some people you don't even know. Your "friends" don't even like you. They don't care how many miles you just ran and they all talk about how funny it would be if you got horribly injured. Talking like you're out of breath is just annoying and it's painfully obvious that you only talk like that to compensate for your lack of a vocabulary consisting of words greater than one syllable.