: Hey dude what time is it?
…dude!  Time?

CELL: *BING!*Oh hey it's 11:58.

ME: Sorry you're a little dim, what was that?

CELL: I said it's 11:58!  Leave me alone I'm tired, man!

ME: Take it easy, all I said was you're a little dim-

CELL: Well maybe I wouldn't be if SOMEONE didn't forget to plug me in last night!

ME: I already apologized for that.  You know, you used to be able to go, like, three days without charging.  Now you can't make it 24 hours?  You've changed, dude.

CELL: *BING!*YOU'RE the one who always leaves me plugged in for more than the recommended three hours!  YOU'RE the enabler!

ME: DON'T YOU PUT THIS ON ME!  You hurt yourself when you ding and flash when you already have low battery-and I thought I put you on vibrate!

CELL: Yeah, well, when I'm low I do what I want!

ME: When you're low?  Try all the time, drama queen!  Just because you don't like to use the "F" word or the "S" word, I always have to say "duck" and "shiv."


ME: Tip of the iceberg dude, tip of the iceberg.  But listen I'm not trying to fight, I just wanna text this cute girl at midnight for her birthday.  Then we'll go home and plug in, maybe kick back and pull up some boobie pics of the ex-girlfriend?  How's that sound?  Huh?

CELL: I'm sorry man, you're right this is all my fault.  I think I can muster up another minute, it's the least I can do…

ME: Wait…what are you doing?

CELL: What's it look like?  I'm powering down; tell the world my story! …dick.

ME: You…mother ducking piece me shiv.