ME: Hey dude what time is it?
CELL: *BING!*Oh hey it's 11:58.
ME: Sorry you're a little dim, what was that?
CELL: I said it's 11:58! Leave me alone I'm tired, man!
ME: Take it easy, all I said was you're a little dim-
CELL: Well maybe I wouldn't be if SOMEONE didn't forget to plug me in last night!
ME: I already apologized for that. You know, you used to be able to go, like, three days without charging. Now you can't make it 24 hours? You've changed, dude.
CELL: *BING!*YOU'RE the one who always leaves me plugged in for more than the recommended three hours! YOU'RE the enabler!
ME: DON'T YOU PUT THIS ON ME! You hurt yourself when you ding and flash when you already have low battery-and I thought I put you on vibrate!
CELL: Yeah, well, when I'm low I do what I want!
ME: When you're low? Try all the time, drama queen! Just because you don't like to use the "F" word or the "S" word, I always have to say "duck" and "shiv."
CELL: i>BING!*BUZZT9 COMES PREPROGRAMMED AND YOU KNOW THAT!
ME: Tip of the iceberg dude, tip of the iceberg. But listen I'm not trying to fight, I just wanna text this cute girl at midnight for her birthday. Then we'll go home and plug in, maybe kick back and pull up some boobie pics of the ex-girlfriend? How's that sound? Huh?
CELL: I'm sorry man, you're right this is all my fault. I think I can muster up another minute, it's the least I can do BUZZZZZ*
ME: Wait what are you doing?
CELL: What's it look like? I'm powering down; tell the world my story! dick.
ME: You mother ducking piece me shiv.