Ethan: Well, time for conference championships, and I for one—

Amir: PLEASE don't bring up the fact that last week I GUARANTEED a Colts/Patriots AFC championship. Nobody likes to hear about somebody's empty predictions being 100% ACCURATE! I'm not a hero.

Ethan: I didn't say you were a hero. You had a 25% chance of being right with any combination you picked.

Amir: … right. But… Okay well. Statistically… but… I guaranteed, so that… doesn't count. 25%? Really?

Ethan: Yeah, that's how math works. Anyway, some good games coming up this weekend. I really wanted to see the Chargers play the Colts, but the whole Pats-Colts story lines aren't tired yet, are they? I like how every year Brady makes some retread look like a great wideout during the playoffs.  This year it's Jabar Gaffney, a guy the Texans gave up on; I can't wait for Charles Rogers to be MVP of Super Bowl L. I'm kind of hoping for a Colts win just so we can stop hearing about the monkey on Peyton's back and he can get back to doing what he does best: making commercials.

Amir: Maybe you like Peyton Manning's team, maybe? How could you not love Indy vs. New England part three? This is the first time it's going to be IN Indianapolis and this is going to be the first time Peyton is going to beat Tom Brady. I couldn't have GUARANTEED a better game. What about the NFC? Who ya GOT?

Ethan:  Saints. Grossman looked good last weekend, so Evil Rex has to come out to play this weekend. That's not just a turn of phrase: look at his media guide pic; he looks like Satan. His hair even goes up into horns! The Saints may have caught a break last weekend when Andy Reid punted just so he could get to dinner earlier, but that's a really good offense. I think it's funny  that people are asking if the Bears will be exposed as frauds, though. How are they frauds? Were they bilking old ladies out of their Social Security checks? Was Ricky Manning, Jr. posing as a teenage girl in online chats? They just tend to win ugly is all.

Amir:  That punt was absurd. "4th and 15… Nah I quit. You guys got this one." Don't they have a play that goes for more than 15 yards? Like, I don't know… a pass? I also like the Saints to win. Colts/Saints would be a pretty wacky Superbowl. Then again, Saints/anybody would be a pretty wacky SuperBowl. Switching gears: Are you afraid of Joumana Kidd?

Ethan:  Terrified.  She's like Doug Christie's wife, but potentially more violent.  My great hope is that when the divorce goes through, she starts dating Gilbert Arenas.  They would be the most insane couple I can envision, and that's including a scenario in which Vince Coleman dates a grizzly bear.

You know how Jason Kidd used to blow a kiss before his free throws? I hear he's now wiping his ass with the ball. It's been really helping his game though, Nets are atop the Atlantic… at 17-20. Speaking of shitty teams in Atlantic conferences, have you seen Duke play recently?

Even though both the team I grew up watching AND my alma mater both blow, Duke is struggling, and nothing is better than watching sports for spite. After that 0-2 ACC start, Coach K's only motivational idea was to roll a TV onto the sidelines and make the team watch his AmEx commercials during timeouts.  The team re-took the floor armed with more than just a jump shot; they were armed with confusion. It is a little disappointing that Greg Paulus is sucking so badly, though; I had high hopes of him becoming the next obnoxiously overrated white guy from Duke.  Pick up the slack, Josh McRoberts.

Amir:  You really love commercials, don't you?

Ethan:  Hibachi.

Amir:  It's funny how nothing makes more people happy in sports than watching Duke fail. Well you know what? Their football team almost won a game this year, so joke's on you, Duke haters! Life is just fine and dandy in K-Ville! All right, onto hockey…

Ethan:  Moving on…what's more exciting to you, that Sammy Sosa may sign a minor-league deal with the Rangers, or that there's an obvious opening in their outfield that would allow him to play?

Amir: Between Kenny Lofton and Sammy Sosa, it seems like Rangers owner Tom Hicks is just collecting baseball players instead of cards. But hey, when you're that rich, wouldn't you also sign Cap Anson to a 7 year deal? "I don't care if he's been dead for 85 years! That means we can pay him less!"

Ethan: Anson's agent, Scott Boras, still tricked Hicks into paying $80 million more than the next-highest offer of zero.

Before we go. My interesting fact this week is about America's golden boy Tom Brady. Did you know he went to the same high school as Barry Bonds, and in 1995 was drafted by the Montreal Expos? I bet Drew Bledsoe kinda wishes Brady had taken them up on that offer….

Ethan: Well, it worked out well for the Expos, at least.

Amir: All right, back to the pictures section with you guys. I hear theres one of a gorilla taking a beer bong!

Ethan:  Finally, a primate who knows how to party. 

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