I'm sure you have all heard that any and all information that is on Facebook
is shared with government agencies because of the patriot act. So, I'm not going
to try and create mass hysteria by telling you how the government is watching
your every move on Facebook. But I should mention that if you spend your whole
life on Facebook then the government probably knows a lot about you.
This only really becomes a problem if you break the law and the government wants to prosecute you. What you should be concerned about is what companies will see
when you are applying for a job. Here's where the conspiracy theories start.
It's been a popular claim that companies have deals with Facebook in which they
can access your information. Facebook has denied this and pointed to their
privacy agreement. Then the theorists will say that's BS, their agreement is a
sham and they sell access to whoever they want. There's no proof they are doing
that. Here's a theory that makes a lot more sense. Jenny Tannenbaum, that
annoying girl who you went to camp with 8 years ago, sends you an invite to
"twirl". You have no idea what twirl is, but you're curious and you click
the link and this shows up:


Allowing Twirl access will let it pull your profile information, photos,
your friends' info, and other content that it requires to work.


You are like whatever and click accept. NO, you just messed up. Now what they
have every right to do is access all the information above which is a huge
invasion of your privacy. But the worst part is: they can sell access it to
whomever they want.
Your Facebook profile is now equivalent to your e-mail
address and can be whored out to everyone. So now pictures of you living your
life like


or



will be for that 40 year old programmer at Twirl or some random person in
human resources at your perspective employer to see.


You can't delete your Facebook account because that would ruin your
aforementioned life now that we've allowed Facebook to take over the world. So
we have to consider other alternatives if we want to land an internship in a
corporate office according to our paranoia. The easiest and most sensible option
is to just change your name to something slightly different than it is on Facebook. This works because nobody has the time to stalk you down unless it's
that person that was staring at you in econ all semester and found you without
even knowing your first name. But we must at all costs not allow Facebook to
turn into myspace. SeXy K1tten will probably get denied anyway, but things
get through occasionally like Weezy F Baby which I for one can approve of for
this purpose. Let me take that a step further. I encourage you to choose a
suitable pseudonym. For example let me use my name as an example: Peter Javon Ocho Cinco, Peter Rogers Nelson, Peter Nasir Jones, Peter Nick Jonas, Peter Butch Cassidy, Peter Does Dallas, Peter La Chappelle, Peter North…. If your still
not convinced this is the best way to satiate your anxiety for interviews might
I suggest suspending your account temporarily? I didn't think so.