Stages of Drinking

So this past weekend I went to a party with a few buddies of mine and I came to a rationalization of how the drinking process takes part of a party. There is a sequence of stages that are vital for the process to blossom. This is how I noted the stages while at this party(and when I mean party, just imagine 20 dudes with like a total of 4 girls which I would never talk to or touch with the torch of Gondor)

Stage 1:

This stage is called the getting in the zone stage, this stage is where you come to rationalization if you belong or am able to hang out with these people comfortably. Once you decide to hang out with these so called friends you start drinking a beer or two

Stage 2:

After a few beers or so this is when everyone feels like they are superman. They think in their minds that this night will be the one night they remember in history. This is the night where they will spread their wings and fly. This is the night where they will finally become men. Oh yea, none of these stages applies to girls because female's don't actually drink alcohol. They slowly poor it out in the sink when your not looking that way they are in control. etc…

Stage 3:

This stage is where the inner man truly shines. If another person is at the party and you don't like them now is the chance for you to confront them and fight as a gladiator with your bros cheering you on! This usually never happens though, generally during the confrontation, stage 4 usually kicks in

Stage 4:

This stage is the love stage. Guys who have never told another person they like them some how join in a cheer of bromance. All guys are at peace in this stage. Hugs and high fives fill the room and luckily for your mom's antique lamp the gladiator battles have recessed.

Stage 5:

This stage is the find a way to get home stage. Lets face it, only retards who want to end up in jail drive to a party with the intention of drinking. No, not you sir. Your smarter than that. See the problem with driving a car while under the influence is not because of crashing. Nope, its about being pulled over by a cop and being screwed for a long time. Personally I think many drive home humbly knowing their drunk driver is taking them home and taking the legal bullet for them. There are choices you know. You can choose between the less drunk out of the bunch to get you home. Your better off taking the guy who can carry on a coherent conversation wether you can or not. If all goes well, you would have wound up in your room wondering where your wallet is.

Stage 6:

This is the stage of throwing up. This is where you lay in your bed dizzy trying to sleep. You may nodd off for a bit only to wake up running drunk to the toilet. You may throw up 2-4 times through out the night. Luckily you are off from school and work tomarrow. Granted, you will waste the day recovering from the night before but knowing you will be able to brag about your triumphant weekened come monday morning, well that sir, that's priceless.