Well, as some of you man know. A few months ago, Plaxico Burress gave my town the honor of gracing us with his presence. Why? He was doing a book signing. That's right, you heard me correctly, Plaxico Burress wrote a book.
Of course I wasn't so much interested in the book as I was in meeting Plaxico Burress and perhaps getting a few things signed by him. Unfortunately, upon my arrival, I hear the only thing he is signing is his book, no jerseys, footballs, or any other memorabilia. So, I am forced to fork over 40 bucks for his book.
So I get it signed, get my picture taken with him, and even give him a little. "Hey Plax, thanks for a great season. Keep it up"
What I never told him to do was shoot himself.
I bring this story back up because I now hear of Plaxico's new book that is being released.¼br>"Plaxico Burress' Guide to Gun Safety"
In the book Plaxico teams up with Lee Paige and write of the do's and don't about using a gun.
I was sworn to secrecy so I'm not really allowed to show you that much of it, but I see no harm in releasing the first chapter. There are after all a lot of young children on this site, a gun lesson in safety would only serve to benefit this site.¼br>Here we go.
Plaxico Burress' Guide to Gun Safety
About the Author¼br>I'm Plaxico fool.
Table of Contents
Chapter One: Buying a Gun
Chapter Two: Bullets
Chapter Three: Guns and Pants
Chapter Four: Do's and Don't of Guns
Chapter Five: Clubbin' With Ant.
Chapter Six: Saftey, Saftey, Linebackers
Chapter Seven: Ouch That Hurts
Chapter Eight: Please Sign Me, Love Plaxico
Prologue¼br>"Hey all, my name is Plaxico Burress and until a week ago I was the lead wide receiver for the New york [the york wasn't in caps] Giants. What happened was this: Me and Ant were chillin at some club right, and I was sporting my sweatpants right, they comfortable so I like em. Anyway, these fine honeys walk by and say "hey Plax what's good" but I'm married right, so I say, not much fine ladies, but I gotta say, I'm happily married. But they wouldn't stop, you can ask Ant, and they was grindin up all over my leg. And I had my gun in there, for protection you know cause Squiggs and Click [bodyguards] was off duty at that time. While grindin' one of the fine ladies bumped up against the trigger, causeing [he misspelled this] to fire. The bullet hit my leg and I was like "Oh shit bitch". Ant took the gun and ran off to get help. And thats my story.
Chapter 1 Buying a Gun
Now a lesson or rather the do's and don'ts of buying a gun. When purchasing a gun, first ask yourself. Why do I need this gun? If the answer is any of the following: A) To look cool, B)Defend myself, C)TO has one, or D)I was bored. Then you do in fact need a gun. But if the answer is, A) Shoot myself in the leg, B) Kill my wife, or C)I found this gun I didn't buy it. Then you should not get a gun.¼br>The first thing to reasearch [his spelling mistake] upon deciding you do in fact need a gun, is where to buy one. You should get one from an actual gun shop. Places acceptable would include: A gun store. I promise you that is it. Apparently when you buy a gun from a gun store, they give you a license, which you need to own a gun. I thought I only needed a license to drive a car, what the fuck right?. So anyway, buying a gun from Cha, that Korean bastard, is not good. Cha doesn't give you a license, hell he doesn't even tell you that you need one. The next thing to do when buying a gun is buy a gun holster. Your pants in not a holster, more so, you're sweatpants is not a holster. Also, learn where the safety is, I thought a linebacker would be good enough, but I shoulda brought Butler too.¼br>Acceptable places to bring a gun: Not a nightclub in Manhattan.¼br>So if you're gunna buy a gun kids, make sure you get a good one